my blog

2007-11-11T20:51:00.000+08:00

I SUCK AT BLOGGING!

2007-11-09T10:54:00.000+08:00

DEAR SALLY,

heeeee *chuckles* , how have you been? i have so many things to tell you!
first of all i had a wonderful halloween party which sucked but kind of fun. so i shant go into details but picture time!!

AND THEN i had becky's birthday celebration yesterday!
steamboat wasnt the best i had man. and i nearly got knocked down by the stupid motorcycle!! IDIOT
ANYWAY... i love all my droupout-er gang with charchar!

charchar never mind ok, if we cant find anyone we shall just live together and buy 90000 dogs and cupcakes!

i love you becky! i love you clio! i love you charmaine!! LOVELOVE

2007-06-19T00:39:00.000+08:00

ok so you see my life is totally in a rut now. honestly. my family is great but my life isnt.
all the time i'm either staying up till 4 and waking at 7 to complete my projects or just basically draggin myself to school
dont get me wrong. dmc is really fun. cool shit and diarrhoea and all but honestly i miss IJ i miss all my friends
seeing them so NOT often is killing me. LIkE moving on is so hard cause the past is always so much better and JOAN CAN TOTALLY BE A PSYCHOLOGIST NOW.

LET ME STAY IN MY PAST!! PLEASIE PLEASE SWEETIE PIE CUP OF TEA PLEASE!!

TO BECKY:
WE WILL TOTALLY STILL BE FRIENDS AFTER 10 years alright. COME ON. DONT YOU WANT TO HEAR ME GO "OMG YOURE SO DUMB EVEN THE FLOOR IS SMARTER THAN YOU" when we at 30 years old? or how bout my personal favourite "OMG YOURE SO CHEENA EVEN CHINA IS LESS CHEENA THAN YOU!"
STAY WITH ME GIRL. I DONT WANT TO EVER LOSE YOU. ( ok now THAT totally sounds gay)

TO CLIO:
MY BIMBO-LIAN. dont lose yourself in everythng bad that is happening. i know that no matter what i say, you will not feel better PERIOD. but i really do hope that the thought that you have your friends behind you will make you stronger and less "FRUSTED" i really do miss the fun times we had where we saw each other like every single day. HANG IN THERE MY CLIO CLIO. you will always rock at games in our hearts. (ok maybe not rock, stone? pebble?)
WE MUST SIT IN COFFEE BEAN, GOSSIP AND DRINK THE HORRIBLE FRUIT GARDEN DRINK WItH MANGO MUCHO AGAIN. I WONT DO IT WITH ANYONE ELSE> cause no one can call me dumb and be dumb with me.

I SHALL LEARN THE SKILL OF BEING A RUT-BUSTER. not only can i bust myself out of the rut i'm in. I CAN BUST EVERYONE OUT OF THEIR RUT. i love you all the humans i know so far. *(well except for **** and ********** and ********* and of course ************* and not to forget $#@%^#%&^#&^%$&*%^@#%# hahah)

* all characters that are not names are fictional ( oh wait. is it fictional that is fake or non-fictional that is fake)
WHATEVER THE CASE. I"M TALKING ABOUT THE FAKE ONE. they dont exist.

2007-03-03T12:34:00.000+08:00

1.2.3.4.5 my name is joan and i say HI
6.7.8.9.10 beck it up and meet my friend
SHABOOYA sha sha SHABOOYA ROLECALL
my name is JOAN
i like to MOAN
do you have a PHONE
could you give me a LOAN

hahahaha
joan is a CHEERLEADER! give me a ring when you feeling down HOMIES!

anyway joan is damn excited. today is the long awaited day. MY FALLOUTBOYS are coming!!!! rarrr. hahahahha i love you guys!

lately life has been stagnant. i might as well start breeding mosquitoes. hahah
WORK. sleep. WORK.sleep.WORK.sleeep piano. WOOOOORK. sleep. work sleep.
sigh thats all i do nowadays.

I GOT TO MAKE A CHANGE. i must break through from this vicious cycle. i'm starting to feel that i'm being sucked into the rat race that i so am not willling to be in.
after hearing so many relationship problems. (ALL NOT MY OWN) i'm starting to feel weary. weary of all this silly affair. i mean how hard it is to get the person you like to like you back. how hard it is to confess. how hard it is to be with him/ her. and in the end how hard it is to let go. so traumatised. all my peoples hang in there. joan the cheerleader will HELP YOU GUYS OUT! dont worry my babies!

i'm off to soak myself in the FOB spirit. see ya JOAN BLOWS KISSES!

2007-02-25T14:34:00.000+08:00

HELLO ALL

i'm hooked to the tv at the moment. HEROES is like DARN good. i like i like!!
i could be doing all sorts of useful things like packing my room - but no i'm watching tv
i could be practicing my piano - but no i'm watching tv
i could be out shopping whatever - but no i'm watching tv

sigh. and darn it the stupid detective is so dumb. HE CAN FREEAKING HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS THATS WHY HE KNOWS STUFF. dont arrest him!!! ok getting emotional now. hahah

watched a couple of useless shows these few days. i watched norbit. and damn wasted my money. i watched dream girls and it was a freaking musical. oh my so boring.
and i dread work. i dread being picked on. i WANT OUT!!!

and joan's nose is clogged up!!

"i'm that old man's lover! i'm his illegitimate lover carrying his wife! look at this maternity test!"
oh my cant get that line out of my head . haahah its freaking hilarious.

add oil all my friends. YOU GUYS CAN DO IT!! joan blows many many kisses!

2007-02-03T11:35:00.000+08:00

HELLO!!!

to all my fans out there i'm sorry to disappoint you with my irregular updating. haahahah JOANS KIDDING

anyway life has been quite fun. made quite a few friends which is incredible!
first day of work. oh wait just in case yall dont know. i work in haagen dazs suntec (a god-forsaken outlet)
ok first day of work i met -jennifer
-amelia
-WEEGEE (my rootbeer)
i hated everyone there. everyone was like shit. jennifer was crude and acted so immaturely. amelia was alright i guess. and wee gee bossed me around like shit.
second day of work i met -AIN
-jennifer
-jin wei
things didnt go that bad after that. they all treat me really nicely. and jennifer really likes to snap my bra strap
subsequently i met - jolene (not a big fan of her)
- JESSLYN!
-jason
- charles
- jid
-yong sheng
-wendy
- wei ling
-shawn
- samuel (dumb dumb idiotic BIG BULLY!!!)
-ERIC (mean ah gua man)
- kuo lim (dont really know him though)

seriously this place has great people. I LOVE YOU ALL FELLOW SCOOPIES!!!
and joan officially made her first cup of iced cafe latte! *FLICKS HER HAIR
hahahahahha so proud of myself!

apart from that i havent been going out so much. OH OH i made another friend
BOBBY! ahahahahahah his name is soo hilarious. sounds so doggyish. hahahah BOBBY COME HERE. BOBBY SIT!. hahahahahha

so here. they are all my new found friends!

and JOAN DOESNT HAVE A VALENTINE!!!!! oh my. if any of you guys out there read this. PLEASE DATE ME. and rootbeer dont forget to buy me those truffles. HALF HALF OK? haha

2007-01-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

HEY all.

havent been doing anything constructive these past few days or rather weeks. MY LIFE IS GOING DOWN THE DRAIN!! i think i might even be suffereing retardation of the brain. i've been quite slow these few days

8th jan MON
--> went out with clio to look for a job. it wasnt a rewarding trip cause we ended up shopping and trying on clothes instead of approaching the counters. we tried raffles bnjs, and in the end we found ourselves playing ddr in the arcade. we have become TRUE BLUE AH LIANS. we played percussion master the drum drum game. JOANS GOOD AT THAT GAME!!! ahahha clio had 7 percent!! really realy funny.

so we decided to take our job seeking escapade to centre point haagen dazs. on the way there we saw this advert looking for server at alley bar. we were like "oh my god cool cool lets try" so i called them up and they ask us down for interview. when we went in, we got a shock of our lives man. the place was like so sleazy and people there werent friendly at all. we had to fill up the application form and then had interview. joan shudders* really scary. but it was an experience man!

9th jan TUE
--> went out with becky today. we went cityhall AGAIN. have been going there many times these past few weeks. but you got to admit it its more interesting than town. COME TO THINK OF IT i havent gone town for so long. and i'm shopping deprieved! we ate at new york new york. food there is really good! and then we went to the arcade again. did the same thing. I"M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT JOAN HAS OFFICIALLY PLAYED HER FIRST TIME CRISIS GAME! and she did not suck at it. YAY ME!

10th jan WED
--> went out with zhao xiu today. met him at vivo. i'm telling you he is really weird but entertaining. he sure talks alot. and all i had to do was listen . and the jokes he crack NOT FUNNY AT ALL. i suffered quite a bit that part but the rest was ok hahah. we watch school of scoundrels. MAN did he laugh the loudest the in the cinema. and next to me there was this couple making out. the guy was actually grabbing the girl's boobs. joan shudders* and honestly i'm not a traditional person. i'm alright with open display of affection in the public. but it has a limit! PEOPLE!!! rarr

11th jan THUR
--> celebrated ana's birthday today. we went billy bombers only the school dropouters attended the celebration. so sad! i missed everyone so much. after that we went to the arcade. ana and becky took the shortcut. RARRR till now i still dont know what the shortcut is. ANNOYING!! anyway after that char char came to meet us but clio and i had to leave already. we went num for the sake of char char. hahahah shes really funny she makes me laugh ALOT. I MISS YOU CHAR CHAR! i went home and ah ma and uncle was in my house. after that i went for piano lesson and then met becky and char char at j8
they were late! VERY LATE! i had nothing to do so i went to the toilet and sat down. hahaha ITS REALLY COOLING ALRIGHT. and it smells good. we took a cab to mediacorp to watch dance floor. and oh my goodness felt like squashing the taxi driver. i told him mediacorp. and he went like i'm not sure how to go but youd direct me. and i'm like fine i'll direct you. i gave him the directions then he went oh dian shi tai. then char char said ya. then he went why didnt you tell me earlier. its dian shi tai then tell me what. haiyer! OH MY GOODNESS whatever happened to good service how am i suppose to know you dont understand eng. FREAKING PIECE OF CHEENA SHIT. RARRRRR. slap all the annoying taxi drivers in the world. hate taking cabs. rarrr
ok so anyway dance floor was alright . jade seah is so pretty and she is so freaking thin!!. anyway my sister's group didnt have a lot of good comments. well i thought she danced really well. poor char char she was so tired from school so she was fighting to keep her eyes open. I LOVE YOU BECKY AND CHAR CHAR for accompanying me!!!

12th jan FRI
--> 1 more month to my birthday everyone!!! hint hint! becky slept over last night so today we went to meet clio at j8. we had lunch at cartel a really FILLING lunch. and went to town. didnt know what to do so we went kbox. AHHHh joan has been labelled the BLONDE CHEENA GER. hhaha just cause i could rap a jay chou song. but its not my fault that i can rap his song. my sister used to listen to him and rap it to me! so i picked it up. RARRRR hahhaha now apart from becoming true blue ah lians that plays ddrs in the arcade becky clio and me have become truer blue ah lians that not only plays ddr we also sing at kbox. ahaahahah man... NOT cool not cool at all.

13th jan SAT
--> i have to say my juniors are the most creative bunch of juniors i ever met. the tee that say I"M A LOVED SENIOR i love you guys for that. and the songs for sec 1 orientation. ta ma de alalalallalalalalalalallala LA. oh my seriously i love you guys. you guys make me miss sailing a whole lot more than i already do. sec 1 orientation was a blast. clio and i tried to get people to sign up but they started running away. oh my. it was really funny,

after orientation clio and i decided to look for job. we wanted to befriend a bnj manager so he will offer us the job but ahh it didnt happen. we ended up watching the water fountain . which is the most beautiful coolest water fountain i've ever seen. all water fountains to me were really disturbing but this one next to bnj in raffles shopping centre is like the BEST. seriously give me a call i'll bring you there and we can eat ice cream and watch the water fountain ANY TIME! hahaahhah
well then we got a job at haagen dazs but it required us to give them photocopy of our bank account and ic and photo and stuff. so clio and i went home to get out documents and went back there to fill up the application form.

at night clio picked me up at j8 to go to dxo. YES i went dxo again. the boring place. and this time it was damn weird first of all we had to queue up. the queue is like freaking long and it was raining. rarrr super annoying. then out of the whole group that went with us i only know clio. rarr it was seriously damn weird. and people started getting drunk. THANK GOD clio and i refused the drink. i met a cute guy JOAN GRINS** oh my rusty shirt guy where are you?? hahahaha he was dancing behind me and then clio said he was cute. so i turned around and indeed he was kind of cute. hahahah. after a while i got annoyed cause something was tickling my butt. so i turned around and lifted his shirt. it was a belt. ahahah so embarrassing. and he asked me what i thought it waas. hahhaha so i gave the lamest reply every. i said oh nothing i felt something tickling my butt. ahahha. after that he invited me to dance in the circle. i rejected him la. its like kind of weird to dance in the circle with all his friends around me. gahhhh. i'll never see him again.! hahaha clio and i reached my place at like 4 plus and we were damn tired.

15th jan MON
--> went out with becky and ana. watched hollywoodland. i think that show is like quite cool. but as usual becky and ana found it boring. seriously they dont know how to appreciate good films!! gahh.walked around a while and i went home for dinner.

16th jan tue
--> was supposed to go out today but i was really tired so i overslept. in the evening edwin came over for dinner. then my sister edwin and i played fatal frame. seriously man this game rocks. its damn cool. youre suppose to kill the ghost with a camera. the whole idea of the game is quite stupid but shit its damn cool! the effect and all is damn cool. and it scares the shit out of people
i think i'm sick! my throat is really dry and my head hurts

17th jan wed
--> I"M SICK i'm having fever. i hate being sick! so annoying. cant do anything. cant lie down and sleep cause i've been doing that the whole day. cant read a book cause i get restless. there is nothing to watch on tv. cant go out cause I"M SIcK. gahhhhh

2007-01-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

HEY ALL

these past few days, i felt like a school dropout. when all my friends are going for first three months jc thing. i decided to opt out. and now i'm questioning if chosing poly is the right path. oh just kill me
stab me with a pen.

went out with becky on tue. we watched stranger than fiction. SERIOUSLY GOOD PLOT. joan loved it.
then we walked around. we only have each other now. the rest all have first three months. just us.

went out with clio becky and james after piano lesson on thur we watched golden flower. oh my corn. stupid show man. it was so boring i was like flipping myself around the chair. and I HAD NO SPACE. ah well. after that we went to play cards. did you know that joan can actually play bluff. AHAHAHAH i'm good at that game. cause i dont bluff. the main point of playing bluff and winning it is to NOT BLUFF. see the irony.
so after that becky and me went to clio's house for a sleepover. we decided to play drinking games
and apparently i lost so many rounds. and i drank quite a bit of vodka. and i got high. hahaha and i couldnt stop swaying. and becky told me she liked man. hahaha not small boys not normal guys. but MAN. hahahahahahahah

next morning i woke up with a nudge on my face. actually it was more than a nudge, it was more like a jab. and it was clio's elbow. after that we went to cathay cineplex. we watched death note. its quite cool. i like to say shinigami. HAHAHAHAH

***i love you my school dropout gang. joan blows many kisses

2007-01-01T12:18:00.000+08:00

dear daddy

i'm sorry for all times i failed you. i know deep down inside what kind of person i am. i'm just an average joe. i dont excel in things, be it academic, be it sports, be it ANYTHING. yet i try because of you. i try because i want to make you proud.

remembering the day when i got a medal at the regatta. i saw your face. it was glowing. and you kept a firm hand around my shoulder. and that gave me strength. that made me truly believe that you are proud of me.

yet after yesterday i realise it all changed. after yesterday, i started to think about all my failures. i remember your face when i sat behind your car after pesta sukan. after all my hands bled. your face was one of sheer disappointment. i held on tight to my mainsheet knowing that if i let go, your dreams will be gone too. i never thought that you would ever give me pressure but you did, indirectly.
i remember you asking me " how come you are not a national sailor?" and my heart, it just shattered into shards of broken glass piercing me deeply. that sentence alone killed my soul. and now i blame myself. i blame myself for quitting halfway. i blame myself for being a quitter. i blame myself for not sticking through things and most of all i blame myself for not bringing you proud.

yesterday you shouted at me. you actually think i'm anorexic and i didnt say anything back because i was scared. i was scared that i am. i dont know what is wrong with me all the disorders. i try to be as healthy as i can be. but all these things keep plaging me. if you can just stop and think before you spew hurtful words at me. i would thank you dearly.

never did i once thought in my 16 years of life that you had so much expectations and they all are pressing down on me. i guess because it was a silent expectation. but i assure you i had tried my best. i fought with my fears, i trained my ass off for the inter schools. yet i stunk like a pile of shit. and i'm truly sorry.

daddy, i'm your daughter and i'm proud of you. but you are my dad and you are not proud of me. i desperately need you to reassure me. to tell me that i can grow and discover my talents at my own space. or tell me that its alright if i dont discover any talents that can be awarded with a medal. tell me because i'm your little girl, you are already proud of me.

love your daughter

2006-12-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

byeeee sissy. i'll miss you. have fun in bangkok. and if you get to see this i love you

byeee yussy and becky wacky. i'll miss you guys too. have fun in genting and if you get to see this have fun!

and thanks charmaine. my darling dumb dumb, maine maine, char char. for talking to me and hearing me out. i guess we made a break through. we realise that we have been tranfixed on the same spot. not moving on. not moving back. just stuck. i'm sick of being stuck. therefore i'm going to free myself. i'm going to. yes i am

anyway thanks cute-sajc-guy. for picking up my phone. hahaha joan blows a kiss. hahahah char will know what its about! hahah

2006-12-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

HEY

joan isnt a clubbing virgin anymore. [LAUGH ALL YOU WANT!]

anyway i went to dxo eve yesterday. the system was dumb. i mean like registering with your real ticket to exchange for coupon. but we cut the queue. we went in the EXPRESS way. this guy approached us.
so me ana clio gwen and becky went in. it was really boring at first. waiting for the party to start. we were sitting on the secone floor and this guy who was really high approach me

HEINZ [i think thats his name]: my friend cha cha?
joan ignores
Heinz: my friend cha char? oh never mind my friend is here.
joan ignores. and becky stares.
heinz : oh by the way my name is heinz i'm from perth
joan shakes his hand
Heinz: you from singapore
joan nods and turns away
Heinz: OH YAY see i made friends.

how queer is that. but he was quite cute. well you see cute guy talks to CUTE JOAN. see the link now. uhuh!
hahahah
ok anyway then we went down. it was really boring and BORING. so we decided to go and dance. we squeeze our way into the dance floor. then we started dancing. man i was wearing 3 and a half inch heels and dancing. [applaude me for that!]
then there was this annoying guy that kept pushing me and becky. i pushed back. but i wasnt strong enough. so then becky and i counted 1.2.3! PUSH!!!
hahaha then we push so many times la. then he kept turning back. after a while he thought we were interested in him. so he kind of came over and danced with us. then i could feel his dick rubbing my butt. oh my it was HARD. GROSS SHIT. he must be horny. seeing CUTE JOAN. hahahahah my ego at work again!

ok so ANYWAY moving on. then after a while we moved to the near the stage. it was cooling la. but still MY TOP DID NOT ABSORB WATER. so i was like super wet. and there was this cute guy behind me. ahhh love his hair!! ok so anyway he started dancing behind me. and he GRABBED MY BUTT. idiot asshole. ah! dont know how to respect a lady. but i just ignored. i mean if i turned around and asked him " WHY DID YOU GRAB MY ASS" he would probably have laughed and made things worst. but AHHH he was cute.

ok then there was this fat guy behind me. oh my he was soft. i didnt have anywhere to move so i leaned back. and oops. i got lost in his FATS. hahahaha it was funny.

well joan wants to wear white the next time she goes clubbing. then i will have the glow glow effect.

oh dont EVER dance on the left side of the dancefloor. NERD ALERT!! this guy was like elbowing me throughtout the whole song. and he was really NERDY. i'm not trying to be mean you see. but the thing is he is really like that and its annoying if you keep trying to rub your left butt cheek on my hip mister! urghhh

oh oh oh i forgot to tell you guys. i grabbed this guy's dick. hhahahah it was damn funny. my hand on down. and i happened to swing and OOPS. ahahhahahaha and i swear i did not do that on purpose. well there was this old ah beng uncle. he was like trying to get me to talk.

old ah beng uncle: hey how old are you?
joan: 16!
old ah beng uncle : ohh
after a while*
old ah beng uncle: eh GIRL AHHHH . what school you study ah?
joan IGNORES

oh my goodness. you trying to pick up a 16 year old girl by saying GIRL AHH. what? you nuts?
stupid shit man. why cant a cute guy ask me where i school. why must it be an old ah beng uncle. ANNOYING!!

the party ended at 3 plus. so clio becky and me cabbe back to clio's house.
we drank orange juice with absolut. and oh my goodness i suck la. i drank like a bit of absolut with a WHOLE big cup of orange juice and i got high la. i wallked to the kitchen and i was like whooo hooo. and i couldnt stablise myself. when i took the cup of water everything was spilling everywhere. then i was sitting on the floor watching tv. clio pushed me down. and i couldnt get up. i started rolling on the floor. and i cannot stop snorting. OH MY GOODNESS. joan is lousy. she cant hold her liquor well. DUMB DUMB!!

oh my mama i havent buy christmas present for edwin and my sister. AIYER. could i return you guys my present so i dont have to buy for you guys! hee
oh talking about presents. THANK YOU CLIO. i loved my present. loved the tee. thought its a little too short. i LOVED THE RUSTY POUCH. and i loved the money. and i loved the spongebob grow grow thing so much i cant bear to grow it. hahahah ahhh i love my snorting partner!!

2006-12-23T00:34:00.000+08:00

today i went out for christmas dinner with clio becky and char char char.
it was really fun. we went marche and had a great time. we were hatching an evil plot of cheating their money but we got too full and discarded the evil plan so we spent like 79 bucks.

in the afternoon i went with becky to get clio's and charmaine's presents. we got clio slippers from reef. VERY PRETTY its like got stars on them and they have silver straps. of course i was the one who chose it. JOAN HAS GREAT TASTE.
then we went to buy charmaine's top from esprit. I GOT 20 % off. like only for today. card member. URGHHH didnt get anything for myself. oh wells

well then we went to NUM. and we walked in so many times i bet kel or hafiz know who we are. by the way hafiz is really cute. arghhhh. ok coming back charmaine finally got her flip flops. they are brown. she didnt want to get the pearly purple ones with stars on them cause she didnt like purple. POOH! who doesnt like purple! EVERYONE likes purple.

anyway i was walking back home. and i saw this really really cute guy. oh my mama. he roller bladed past me. and then i was checking his butt out. .then after that he rounded a corner. so i was like FINE. didnt get to see his face. so i continued listening to DEAD! then after that i saw him. turning back coming my way!! oh my oh my. then his eyes. oh my goodness. SO NICE. and his gaze. OH MY GOODNESS totally electriflying. and we were engaged in the gaze for 10 sec ARGHHH joan faints,.

JOAN REVIVES
ok well he is really cute. jet black hair. eyes that are perfect. killer gaze. URGHHH my beautiful boy my beautiful boy where art thou my beautiful boy.
ok joan faints.

anyway pushing that fainting idiot aside. tomorrow i'm going dxo. cant wait to see what will happen

[WHATS UP WITH YOU, you bitching-about-me -bitch. i didnt do anything to you. i dont even talk to you. what is there even to say about me. oh shut your A hole up alright. before i go up therre and give you a piece of my mind. and i'm not kidding. when i do that it WILL be an ugly sight. ughhh stupid bitch.i wish you would just faint and die!]

2006-11-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

i bought chocolate for my doggy!
look how fat she is!

talking about her being fat, there was this time i tried to put on her collar and it was tight. so i said "oh rita you are so fat!"
and she was angry with me. she refused to walk a step. hee funny dog.
anyway now back to studying!

2006-10-30T11:32:00.000+08:00

In this issue of JOAN DIGEST we shall examine the main purpose of a government and the real democratic believes driving our society today.

do you agree "that a government is best which governs least" and "that a government is best which governs not at all"
so if a government is truly fuctioning at its best when it does little or nothing then why should there be even a body that is named the government.
by shaking this very foundation of our modern world, let us question the prescence of legislators, presidents, ministers ,lawyers and politicians.
all these people that rarely score distinctions in moral issues. these people that do not rule with their conscience. should we judge them by their actions? or should we judge them by their intentions. THEN again how can ones intentions be made known to be expedient or inexpedient since it is an intention and, is rarely made known to others but, can only be seen through actions.

a mass of man serving the state, serving the government. what is made of them? a clump of dirt or a pile of straws? they serve as wooden men carved from the very existence of a government. serving the nation not with their heart or conscience but with their body as tools of mass destruction. without these tools, the government would be powerless. thus this implies that the government is rarely a government of conscience but a government of self gain. a man would be truly useful as a man if he start thinking with conscience and not performing as a tool. this is when it is made known to mankind that majority is not right. not at all.

democracy values the importance of the views of the majority. yet how can we ensure that these "majority" are thinking with their conscience and not expediently. would there be injustice occuring even if the solid majority is backing u on it? yes there would. because more often than not the majority is ruled by self gain and interest of the individual that makes up the majority. take a good look at the world around you. how often do you see injustices, stifling of a voice which is radical yet with conscience in nature. many a times an individual that has the "right" thinking is gagged up by the majority which is supossedly always right. just look at the irony of it. a sad tragedy of the 21st century. the wrongs being carried out while the rights being stifled. the rights being oppressed and the wrongs being paraded with credit.

why? why become the government when all you do is affect the world's population in a negative way. why beome the government when one is not ruled by conscience. why become the government when you are nothing but the devil ruling in denial thinking that you are a saint.

why do we support them when we know its wrong. why does the majority not stop and think. why is it that the majority is always viewed as right? why?

as questions hang unanswered, as light always dim into nothingness, as life always diminish into silence, i leave you with a question that is unanswered. WHY DO WE PARTAKE IN IT WHEN WE KNOW ITS WRONG?

2006-10-16T22:31:00.001+08:00

FRUCK!!!!!!

tomorrow is bio pract and what have i done the whole day? do stupid binomial

i'm so frucking going to fail my bio practical. cant remember what a loculus or a pericarp or a placenta is suppose to be. all i can remember is my stupid frucking problems
urghhhhhh

why is it so frucking hard.

i know i know i'm not suppose to swear but frucking has an extra "r" so it doesnt matter right?

if you ask me if i'm alright
i'm telling you. no. no i'm not. i'm not frucking alright
everything is so frucked up
there isnt a time when there is more frucking shit in my life.
on one hand there is someone frucking ignoring me
on the other hand there are my frucking stupid exams
on my feet there are my family problems
on my head is a frucking head that hurts like hell
i have so much frucking things to do. my piano concert is coming up. my exams are nearing and i havent studied hard enough
plus i have no frucking idea what i am going to do with my life.

actually apart from all those my life is that FRUCKING bad huh
my bull

ever wonder why i'm so short. because there are so many frucking problems on my shoulders. stupid family problems. stupid friendship problems.

i wish i could frucking disappear!

2006-10-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

2006-10-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

change change change change change
lets see if you can change the spelling of change stupid! since you like to change so much.
urghhhhhh

2006-10-13T10:06:00.000+08:00

TINA TURNED AROUND!!!!

2006-10-11T11:57:00.001+08:00

i think i finally found closure. sitting on my bed with a tonne of things to do. i finally got it.

i realised why i was so dependent i found out why i relied on it so much. i placed all my hopes on you. perhaps i was scared. perhaps i was afraid. myabe it wasnt even being scared about anythhing but you.

i figured if we talked more. things wouldnt end. but i failed to see that relatioinshis end even when people are talking. i guess i was just too cooped up with wanting you. well maybe its not you that i like. maybe its not you, just maybe.
everything is so weird lately that i wished things would go back. rewind and pause at the best parts. those nights that we spent talking about what and what nots. that is the time i truly felt that we were friends. no it seems like you dont even care. and i tried to tell myself if you dont care, I DONT CARE EITHER. but my heart or mind doesnt feel this way. its just too complicated.

EVERYTHING. EVERY shit in my life. always continue to stink up my life. tell me now where can i buy rose tinted glasses. i need them desperately!! i want to see the world rosey pinky and happy. not some shit up stinky place. urghhh

quote from laguna BIOTCH: " theres just too much drama... too much drama."

right here right now i'm going back to reality. snap back to reality opps that goes gravity oops there goes sanity.
i need to i nee to i need to

2006-10-11T11:57:00.000+08:00

2006-10-10T20:43:00.000+08:00

how do i feel? ; DEPRESSED!
how do i feel? : stressed
how do i feel? : really depressed.

what am i going to do with my life. i;m having an early life crisis. i have no idea if such a thing exists. BUT I DONT CARE! i'm having it!

BLAHHH everything is so screwed up. even though everything is wonderful. i mean some parts are good. but the rest, its bad. really really bad.
its like i dont even know what is wrong.

its difficult to feel better when i dont even know what is wrong. i dont even know how to describe it. but i feel it.

i guess i'm mad. really mad.

2006-10-05T20:48:00.000+08:00

i'm in the organising freak mode now.
(1) i'm actually clearing the pile of books next to my piano
(2) I'm filing my worksheets up
(3) I"M USING A HOLE PUNCHER!!!
(4) i bought a pretty file for my worksheets that cost $7.15
(5) i feel like i have obsessive compulsive behaviour, refusing to let any stray worksheet remain homeless

arghhhhhh. i'm an organising freak.

BUT rest assured my fellow good people. this odd occurence wont last long. hahaha just like so many projects i intend to start. like my scrap booking project. like my put-everything-in-pretty-boxes project. and most of all like my life project.

ahh wells

the next part of my post is a tribute to my beloved hammy.

R.I.P my pretty hammy

hammy the hamster passed away at approx. 2.00 PM yesterday 4th of Oct.
she have been a good hamster. always making noise at night with her wheel. although she lost her hind leg in a freak accident, she was able to live on with it. so long my beloved hammy. i'm very sure you went up to heaven to be a hamster angel. byebye hammy....

joan blows a mega-ultra-super-duper big big big big big big big KISS to you. *

2006-10-04T20:03:00.000+08:00

*joan stares

i'm so bored cooped up at home for soooooo many days.
never thought life could be worse until you are sick.

oooh how i miss those days when i'm shopping everyday... (and NO! i'm not a shopaholic)
oooh how i miss those days where my arms ache from carrying too many carriers ... (and NO! i'm not a shopaholic)
oooh how i miss those days missing those days where i'm out in my habitat , shoping centres ... (and NO! i'm not a shopaholic)

oooooooh how boring my life is. i yoda wish to speak.

favourite is my yodaaaaaaa
yodaaa dear are you a leftie. i love lefties!!!

*joan blows a kiss

2006-10-03T14:46:00.000+08:00

Aii! Everything bad bad! i chose it this way but it turn the other. aiiii all bad!

and joan would say " if i were a chinese mother bringing up her kids in america i would definately sound like this!"

and its probably true. judging on my circumstances and situation. everything i pined for. everything i hoped for. ALL THE OTHER WAY! but still came out this way. this very very bad way. that made our unhappy more unhappy.
although we have to minus the kids part.

well i once hoped for a bright bright shiny future. i was told my nose is not too big just the right size. doesnt make me cynical. but still i comprain. and with my comprains, my luck all flow out of me and into the air. and BAHBAHBAH! the north wind blew it south.
that is how i learn that with no luck you cannot do anything.
i wished for a normal life with normal happiness and some joy and some luck but no club. aiiii! see how it turned out! bad bad.. ALL bad! i wish to tell all this to my daughter but she will not listen. she has no ears because she is not even formed yet. ha! how very bad to joke about this. but true. its true. you cannot teach lucky. lucky comes with your fate. if your fate says NOOOO. no luck. means no luck! the end. thats it. NO MORE!. but if your fate says luck will blow your way. oh believe it will. not because you are naive. nor because your psykiatrics tell you to believe. its because your nose is not too big thats why.
my mother use to say something but i forgot. thats because i trust in my fate and cannot wait for her to finish her sentence to run away. so i never knew what she said. and now i fill myself with sorrow and regret. wishing i listened to my mother's chinese nonsense. aiiii how very bad. bad bad bad.

ok i'm done trying to speak like someone who just walked out of amy tan's book.

well this randomness is the effect of my fever. i've been so very ill these two days. and its not fair. i want to go to school and make merry with my friends. aiiiii so very bad!. how can queen mother of the northen skies make fun of me like that. aiii so bad. so very very bad!. ok anyway i'm so bored that even my .... my DOG is bored. well if that made any sense at all. I"M so bored that even joan is bored. oh come on already. get lost you lousy bug. get out of my body and look for someone else to torture!

i'd rather be a sparrow than a snail
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

i rather be a hammer than a nail
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

away, i rather sail away
like a swan, thats here and gone
a man gets tied up to the ground
he gives the world
the saddest sound
the saddest sound

i rather be a forest than a street
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

i rather feel the earth beneath my feet
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

away i rather sail away
like a swan thats here and gone
a man gets tied up to the ground
he gives the world
the saddest sound
the saddest sound

and joan would be giving the world the saddest sound. because the is the snail, the nail, the street, and the earth beneath everyone's feet.

2006-10-02T22:05:00.000+08:00

joan grins*

and judging by the size of that grin you must think she just won lottery or something. but i say NOOOOOO. i didnt

hahaha i'm just grinning for not reason.

ok besides that i've got important news to share. i was reading readers digest and i came upon the article of clive wearing. oh my he touched my hout and left a BIG BIG BIG hand print on it. this poor guy got the herpes simplex virus which attacked his brain that made his lose his memory. but god helped him remember the love of his life. his wife! oh my its really sweet. imagine your husband forgets everything else in his life except you. wow... joan swoons....

well thats all. just had to share this really really touching story

2006-09-30T12:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday was F-U-N fun!

attended my cousin's solemnisation at ROM. oh my goodness its this kind of events that make people wawnt to get married. not tv dramas or over-the-top marriage proposals that are so commercialised. ITS THE EXCHANGING OF VOWS THAT TOTALLY JSUT MADE ME MELT. i swear i was melting in that tiny squashed up room. and right there and then all the 30 strangers in the room were instantly connected and became relatives. ooooh how sweet. I WANT TO GET MARRIED TOO. quick someone MARRY ME!

after the ROM we went to goodwood park to have our high tea. food was G-O-O-D good. absolutely fabulous. and its a day like this that made me eat more than i should. so sissy and i decided to work it off by SHOPPING. heee
well this is starting to make me sound like some random ramblings of a shopaholic. but REALLY its not.

well sissy bought a pair of pumps. and i finally got my long awaited swim suit. its a halter top and normal pants. ahhhh pretty little thing. i'm going swimming later by the way. hahhahah cant just wear you swim suit around the house can you. nope. you must wear it out and work it out!.

well honestly i dont get it. how can someone be too logical. and if its possible. its definately not going to be someone like me. have you ever actually heard me talk. i'm the most ilogical, most senseless, weirdest girl you can ever find.
ah i dont have time to figure out the logic behind being TOO LOGICAL. ahhh wait. i'm actually quite logical huh. i'm trying to figure out the logic behind something that is logical. coool

ok i'm off to swim! tata my pretty ladies!

2006-09-28T20:53:00.000+08:00

NOTICE: for those who thinks that i'm getting registered at the ROM tomorrow with my fiance.

I"M NOT! hahaha its my cousin and i only meant it as a joke. HONESTLY

and also to those that thinks that i have a 14 year old boyfriend from cat high . I DONT EITHER. ahahha it was also meant as a joke. because someone ask me whether i will date a younger guy. hahah

today was a really fun day. FUN but sinful and the details cant be disclosed here. hahah

ok this post is seriously damn dumb. so yeah going to stop here.

2006-09-27T13:20:00.001+08:00

hey my fellows...

everything has been really strange lately. and i think i've become a little strange too. (notice i didnt use the word" queer!")

heeee. now its time to be RANDOM THOUGHTS OF THE DAY.
life is like a washing machine. and we are the clothes...
when times are good, we dont get stainned by other clothes
when times are bad, the other clothes' colour runs and we get blotches of their colours
when life is a mess, its as good as us being spin dry
now do you see the symbolism. well if you do, next time when you wash your clothes please treat it with care because you are washing yourself!

now that was really random!

you know part of me wishes that everyone will stop lying. stop lying in hopes that no one will know who you are. in hopes that no one will discover you before you discover yourself. yet the other part of me desperately hopes that people will stop being honest to the point of being blunt and tactless. sharpening your words like daggers piercing into my heart. you know what i mean.
why cant life be simpler. why cant we humans be simpler. if life is all about lying and hurting people i rather become a chimp.
at least then i will be just swinging from tree to tree and plucking flees.

god i wish you can give me the strength that i need. cause right now i am being spin dried. so many things coming at once pulling me in different directions.

and i know my life isnt bad. its not bad at all. as in its really good. i KNOW all that. but the people around me dont have a good life. and that makes my life bad. honestly i dont know what my point is but hey screw it!

2006-09-27T13:20:00.000+08:00

hey my fellows...

everything has been really strange lately. and i think i've become a little strange too. (notice i didnt use the word" queer!")

heeee. now its time to be RANDOM THOUGHTS OF THE DAY.
life is like a washing machine. and we are the clothes...
when times are good, we dont get stainned by other clothes
when times are bad, the other clothes' colour runs and we get blotches of their colours
when life is a mess, its as good as us being spin dry
now do you see the symbolism. well if you do, next time when you wash your clothes please treat it with care because you are washing yourself!

now that was really random!

you know part of me wishes that everyone will stop lying. stop lying in hopes that no one will know who you are. in hopes that no one will discover you before you discover yourself. yet the other part of me desperately hopes that people will stop being honest to the point of being blunt and tactless. sharpening your words like daggers piercing into my heart. you know what i mean.
why cant life be simpler. why cant we humans be simpler. if life is all about lying and hurting people i rather become a chimp.
at least then i will be just swinging from tree to tree and plucking fleas.

god i wish you can give me the strength that i need. cause right now i am being spin dried. so many things coming at once pulling me in different directions.

and i know my life isnt bad. its not bad at all. as in its really good. i KNOW all that. but the people around me dont have a good life. and that makes my life bad. honestly i dont know what my point is but hey screw it!

2006-09-04T19:43:00.000+08:00

I DONT GET YOU. I DONT GET WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM. but i think you have changed. and you like someone else. so get lost. get out of my life.

2006-08-19T22:27:00.000+08:00

today i was awakened.
i was rudely woken up from denial land.
where i stubbornly refuse to believe that things has changed.
AND NO ITS NOT ALRIGHT
seriously its not. its fucking not alright
its different and it sucks.
for the first time in my life, i'm embarrassed to be with her. i'm embarrassed by her actions, her comments, her rowdy behaviour.
i know i shouldnt be. but it has changed.

what am i going to do? this fucking question keep coming up. i tried. i tried to make it seem like nothing has changed. i try to make it seem like i can be her friend too.i try and make her feel that we could have fun together too. but i'm not having fun . not at all. i dont want things to be this way. god.

why must you change. WHY. why must you behave that way. WHY. why must you do all that. WHY. why must you make my life difficult. WHY. why must you drift from me. WHY.

so tired of trying so hard. so tired of being in the middle. so tired of being helpless. so tired of reaching out to you. so tired of tolerating. so tired of being in control.

why cant i just call your name and make everything right. why cant everything just be alright. i need it to be alright. i really do

and how could i forget you. i cant. but i guess you already did. how can i throw away the memories we had. i guess they were insignificant to you. but why did you say you did. when all of a sudden you dont. i dont get it.

never going to understand anything in the world at all. i'm just waiting for the day you two come back to me.

2006-08-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

damn the head!

stupid head of mine. i bet its going to erupt someday.
out of 4 school days. i only went once to school because of this stupid head of mine. see i even made up a song for it

this stupid head of mine.
i'm gonna smash it up.
this stupid head of mine
i'm gonna smash it up
this stupid head of mine
i'm gonna smash it up smash it up smash it up smash it up!! ahoy!

yeah dont you just love the AHOY part.

well i have 3 history essays to do and they are FRIKKIN difficult. like seriously. urghhh how am i ever going to pass anything. ok i'm going back to my essays. say good luck to me... while i perish in the world of words from the past...

2006-08-10T00:36:00.000+08:00

dont you just hate it when the rest of the world seemed more motivated than you.

well i'm hating it now. i so totally did not study at all today. i went out shopping instead. and spending money. sigh.

i'm loving soccer to bits. its the funnest game on earth. and i finally learn how to kick with the inner side of my foot. now i'm learning the proper way finally.
through soccer. i got closer to some of my classmates. love you my little cupcakes. never felt the same way about my class like i feel now. its really great!

you looke like a man!

2006-08-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

i have failed terribly in the attempt to transform myself into a nerd. i HAVENT BEEN STUDYING!

days sweep by. eroding my future away. the only thing i look forward to is soccer. sigh. what should i do with my life. i'm not studying at all. and prelims are in 20 days time. i am dead-burnt-cooked-bbq meat.

a pile of useless flesh. ready to be roasted to perfection. succulent and tender on the inside. crispy on the outside. complete with traditional home made bbq sauce. a tangy sensation overwhelming your taste buds. *hmmm* yummy!

hahaha its quite fun describing yourself as a dish. try it yourself! remember you dont have to be artistic to do an ART ATTACK!.

damn... i'm so random.

2006-08-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

ever wondered what your life will be if you were incapable of thinking this very thought- "if only..."

well i have. i guess life would be a lot simpler. i will certainly be a tad bit more contented with my life. i wont be regretting, i wont be lamenting and certainly not blaming anyone.

ever wondered what your life will be if you were incapable of wondering what you life will be?
well technically speaking if you actually wondered what you life will be if you were incapable of wondering what your life will be, you are still wondering what your life will be. thus this question has absolutely no answer to it.

maybe this is it. maybe all these things we see in life. MNCs, government, education, families, all these things people work hard for are just facades in life. whats the point of working so hard. when life itself has no answer to it. whats the point of striving for excellence. when excellence does not even exist. because life is a huge question with no answer to it. whats the point of solving mathematical sums when life is a difficult sum marked with double triple quadruple stars on my textbook with no answer to it.

rethorical questions. asked over and over again. for millions of years. from primates to primates. from adult to child. from mothers to daughters. from sons to sons. from cow to cow. from chicken to chicken. arent you sick of it? well i am

2006-07-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

CONFUCIOUS SAY " do no fight and air your

dirty laundry in public. to the victor go the

soils."

which means i shouldnt fight and do my

laundry at the same time. if i win, my clothes

will get dirty.

for the sake of clean clothes, i deleted my

previous post. how dumb of me. blogs arent for

personal feelings. its not a diary. its a blog. so

yes. shant air my dirty laundry . not here. not

anywhere.

i am strong. i can go through this without
crying.

and i will smile.

2006-07-24T23:28:00.001+08:00

went with clio and zhuang yi to watch lady in the water.

i think it was dumb, queer, strange, peculiar, and quite boring too. yet the message behind the film is quite cool.
its like something you must decipher. though its like mythical and all. and highly impossible that it would happen in real life. all the nurfff and the funny grass dog. still it kind of have a message to convey. and its real good stuff.

well it sure tells us that everyone has a purpose. there is a purpose in life. its whether we chose to find it or not. and its real true.
and this film is like a wakening up call to the world. like what the fuck is going on with the world that we are living in. everything so corrupted. so tainted. nothing is pure. nothing is innocent. thats why i'm telling you that this film is really thought provoking. its not just about grass dog. gigangtic eagles, healer, interpreter, gills and all those rubbish they added in. its about the world.

i'm a deep deeeeeeep person. hee.
i'm telling you 5 good reason why this film is worth watching
(1) i got to watch it for free. (any movie that is free is worth watching)
(2) its really really thought provoking. its makes your mind churn and work. all the rusty chains of my brain is actually oiled and working. hell!
(3) get to see the world's freakiest creature. the grass dog!
(4) great sound effects. gets you jumping up in your seats (roughly around 5 millimetre high)
(5) get to see this really cool man who is toning his right side of the body. real freak show material!

yeah there you go.

2006-07-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

2006-07-23T21:41:00.000+08:00

and so dinner went like that...

joan says "lets order this set!"
sister says " ok..."
mother says "no not nice. this set better..."

everyone gets pissed off. all for different reasons
my dad was pissed off at us taking 15 mins to decide
my sister was pissed at her life
i was pissed at my mom for being so opinionated
and my mom was pissed at me being pissed at her.

all i ever wanted was for the four of us to sit down and have a nice meal. is that too difficult. my sister finally came for dinner with us. but the atmosphere was fucking bad. and i was there trying to get things high and going. trying my best. and.. it just didnt happen.
what is fucking wrong with me. FUCK IT!

and while waiting for the bill.
mother says " why is your face always so black. why cant you be happy when you eat with us "
sister starts crying...
when we left the restaurant.
mother starts crying...

then both of them complain to me. i am like the middle sponge. absorbing both their sorrows. wtf. i am only joan. trying to get things right in the world full of wrong. why cant anyone understand.

i have my own problems too damn it. but no one knows. only they have. only they show it. only they CAN show it.
i am not even given to chance to show my moodiness. because i must cheer everyone up. wtf.
i'm tired...

i'm never gonna go for dinner ever again.

2006-07-23T13:52:00.000+08:00

you know what. i really got to stop thinking of what people think of me. i really got to stop wondering over and over again what they think of me.
because... because at the end of the day. all i should focus on is myself.

i cant like live on. by just trying to chase them and always wanting to do the "right" thing. i need to think of me! YES! its JOAN-TIME.

i dont care anymore.

at 2.00 pm on the 23rd of jul. JOAN RAISES HER HAND IN THE AIR.
and proclaims herself as FREE!
a free person. a free soul. a free mind. (but i am not cheap!)
not free in that kind of way.

2006-07-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

i've decided. i'm not going to whine and complain about situations that are totally out of my control. i have accepted that there are some things that i cant do. just like the situation i am in. i cant change it. i'll just wait and see.

yes thats my strategy and i'm going to stick to it.

"The Diary Of Jane"

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
NoSomething's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane

love this song! its by breaking benjamin. some alternative rock band. ahhhhh i want to find my place int he diary of jane too. i want a place too!!

2006-07-20T20:48:00.000+08:00

BAHHHHHHH.... i'm in a retarded mood.

well i'm still thinking of eugene's colourful shit. its so amusing. so fascinating. i want to try that ice cream too!!

ahhh today was quite productive. went macs to study. and i actually did study. so its good.

nothing much to say. nothing much to feel today. so yup guess i'll just leave it as that. i'm searching for my colourful shit-colour-changing icecream!

2006-07-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. yet LIFE as we NEVER KNEW IT.

its impossible for me to say " I KNEW IT!" because i never ever can know a thing before it happens. all i can say is that life could be better knowing it. and definately these few days could really be better. to be exact these few months COULD be better.

my heart screams out anguish and yearnings. but who would hear it. my heart longs for you. but you dont hear it. i want so much to tell you i'm not your friend buddy! but i cant do it. i want so much to tell you i like you a hell lot more than you like me.but i cant do it either. there is so much going on for you. as there is for me. and it seems like we are worlds apart. not talking about the distance. but relationship. seems like i dont even know its you. i know you changed. because change is inevitable in a situation like this. but i want you to promise me. you'll stay the same and never go. you will never ever go.

since young. my worst fear is of losing my memory of the ones i love. and i am scared. and i am afraid that i will forget my beloved grandfather. his face is a blur in my vision of him. his character tinted till i forget sometimes that he is there. but yet i know his love holds strong. his love for me and the family sustains my memory. but how long will it be before i forget. before i forget him. and now i am afraid i will forget you too. what if i forget how you were back then. what if i forget how you look? i am not ill, just paranoid.

i promise i will stay the same

GAME OVER
HIT TO RESTART

2006-07-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

hey... havent been in the mood to do anything at all. i wish my brain would stop thinking. and just stop thinking at once. maybe then i will be much happier.

i miss you... i do i do i do. urghhh. this is so frustrating. just kill me!!!

joan gives a loud BURP!! and to see tow. if you are reading this. you are REALLY REALLY A STALKER. stop stalking me!! hahahah

next week is my last and final training. for my whole of secondary school life. i will miss everything... EVERY SINGLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.
when i went for training today. a pang of nostalgia came over me. i will miss everything we have done there. the pool... the benches. the jetty. urghh. i dont want to leave. let me stay. jiao lian! i will stay for one more year! hahah

2006-07-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

BAHHHHHHHHHHHH

its so bloody hot. i am fried patty!. seriously i havent started studying at all. been slacking the whole day. except for making myself a pretty calender. i did nothing! anyway i got a new phone. heeeeeeeeee joan grins!
its some weird phone. its really small. and square. haa dont know la. its just really small and cute. my dad just got it and brought it home. so i made it mine.! hee

2006-07-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

YIPPPEEEEE!!!!

never had so much fun on a school day EVER.
school was the same. except the lessons were more interesting...
after school went to town to buy tickets for 9 people!! hahah. the tics came in a really really lonnng chain. so cool. hahahah i like long ticket chains

after that the 8 people met up with me. and we watched pirates. oooh i love that movie. its so damn cool. i like the octopus guy. i like his mouth. so CUTE!
after that went nydc. manage to surprise yus with a cake. how cool right. once again. the genius in me. hehehhhh
went high with my HIGH buddy. clio. we were singing and laughing and all the shit we were doing. so i went home at around 9 plus .

this stupid ah beng. prank me ... urghhh came up to me and tell me " er, my friends are playing a lame game. can i have your number?" oh my goodness. what kind of pickup line is that. obviously its some stupid dare. why... i look very nice to prank ah. urghhh.

2006-07-12T10:52:00.000+08:00

had a REALLY REALLY bad day yesterday out at sea.

there was a storm coming. and we were suppose to transport our boats back to changi clubhouse. once we got out there. we were all capsizing. one by one. and i couldnt get my boat to move the way i want it to be. and coach wouldnt listen to what i was saying. i was screaming on top of my lungs for help. but he wouldnt listen to me.

then i saw a police boat coming my way.
"POLICE!! SAVE ME!!" but they continued moving and wouldnt stop.

i felt so alone. so helpless. and vulnerable. as if any moment i would die. finally as the wind died down. all our boats were able to move. thus we reach shore at around 6.30. i swear i was the happiest kid in town. able to arrive at changi.

today i fell ill. i have a sore throat. a terrible terrible headache and a terribly bruised body. i'm going to school later to do my chem practical test.
i thank god for helping us and leading us safely back to shore.

joan blows kisses at everyone!!

2006-07-09T18:49:00.000+08:00

joan starts this post with a smile. a really big wide smile!

i think at least everything is starting to show signs of normality. at least i know i am returning to the normal me. (what i mean of normal isnt what you think normal is) haha remember... i am roughly around 30% normal. haha

well mon will be the start of my transformation into a geek. i AM GOING TO BE A NERD. i am going to study everyday. i want to get good grades man. seriously no joking now. yup. with my new found determination. i will succeed. or not. well no time to think of that now. got a test tomorrow. got to study!

well i really miss you my little cupcake. so glad i started talking to you again. hope everything is going well for you. joan blows a kiss.

heee. and for those who are nosey nosey parkers. you will never guess who my cupcake is. ha!! it might actually be a real cupcake.

hint hint: joan likes eating cupcakes.

well this really huge thought hit me out of the blue. and here it is
*sailing has officially ended for me
*sailing is no longer my cca
*last fri was the last time i actually could call myself a sailor
*i will miss all my juniors (hint hint: im expecting a swell sec4 farewell party )
*i will miss nurul! my one and only sec 3 junior
*i will miss ij sailing team : val, joan, nurul, clio, yus and sarah
all the *joys
*laughter
*swimming sessions
*bitching sessions
*MORE bitching sessions
*capsizing
*cursing
*teasing
*a three hour long lecture by the ugliest cow on earth
*EUGENIA! (oops you are not in ij sailing team heeee)
*our lovely miss teo, our distributor of dried mushrooms
*jiao lian (all the ta ma des and pushups and funny sounds you
make
*the scandals
*and most of all our ij spirit

i love you guys. even though we were not the most skilled in terms of sailing. but we redeemed ourselves by having the ij spirit. we fought till we were burnt. we fought till we cursed. we fought till we miss the hiking strap and fell into the water. but most importantly we fought while we laugh. i love it all. and i will miss it all.

to all terrific sailors of ij. i had a terrifically terrific time. THANKS FOR MAKING SAILING SO MUCH FUN.
not to forget out fake brother school. RI . trainings wouldnt be any more fun without you lame people. thanks.

i was all so certain that i would never ever EVER want to sail again after interschools. but i realise maybe i am wrong. the fun i had during interschools cannot be compared to all the sufferings i ever had while sailing. i just might consider joining sailing again. but of course it wouldnt be the same without all my special team mates.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! JOAN BLOWS A REALLY BIG BIG KISS

2006-07-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

joan starts this post with a sigh...

sigh. interschools is like finally over. but ij didnt win. we got 5th. yet i am still proud of us all. we fought a tough battle and emerge winners . our own winners. well i can really say that i learnt a great deal through all the competitions and the trainings i had. but yet i still feel a tinge of heartache and sadness. well it would be a good memory to keep. i love IJ SAILING TEAM!!

and to somebody. please you should at least respect me. i dont like you. but you shouldnt say things infront of me like that. like what the fuck is your problem. you bloody asshole. i have feelings too ok. what the hell. you bitch. urghhhh

2006-07-01T22:15:00.000+08:00

You Are 35% Normal

You sure do march to your own beat...But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at allYou think on a totally different wavelengthAnd it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Mutsuko Shimizu

What's" your Japanese Name?

You Should Be With an Air Sign!

Your best match is a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius
Why? You crave excitement and playful banterOnly an Air Sign can match your wit - and keep you on your toesAs for fun, an Air Sign guy will show you plenty? with tons of surprisesJust be sure to introduce him to some new playful experiences as well!

What Sign Should You Date?

ahhhh damn bord. so i did these tests. hahahah damn funny.
today was a really bad day for me. my mom is giving me such a difficult time i wish i had more siblings. to hell%

2006-07-01T12:07:00.000+08:00

PUBLIC DECLARATION: i dont like jerome.

urghhhh. you people stop it alright. i dont like him. and whatever makes you think that i do, any signs or vibes i gave out, i didnt mean it. and i wasnt aware that it is that way alright. but i dont like him. and to clio. you better watch out cause i'm gonna fight back!

i have lost my innocence. because i have been taught to regconise evil so i could protect myself. what kind of logic is this. aiyer i dont understand joy luck club! i mean regconising evil does not mean that you will BE evil. it just means that you know what evil is like. its a form of self protection and preservation. you can still be innocent right. so lets say you know how to protect yourself from being raped. that means you know how to rape? ok bad analogy... well this does not support the fact that good triumph over evil right. and it also means that you are evil when you lose your innocence. grrarrrr I DONT GET IT!

2006-06-28T22:21:00.000+08:00

i declare: i am the deadest pile of meat anyone can find on earth. not even the dinosaurs (well duh... like they have no meat anymore) not even the funny blob of blubber the found in chile (well double duh... cause its not even meat. its technically fat) well just the deadest and most screwed up person on earth.

well today was the usual. had school then had chem pract. so after that i saw 59 leaving the bus stop so i decided to run after it. got on the bus. then i realised. oh damn... this goes to the bishan interchange. so i alighted at the bus stop outside RI to take 13 or 88 home. so as i alighted i saw 13 was infront of me. so i tried running. and as i ran , the bus kept on moving. darn it! i missed my bus. so i waited like 10 whole mins for the next bus to come. see what i mean about being screwed up. even the buses dont give you an easy time!

ok and my chinese O LEVEL exam is like next wed. i am so dead. i am so dead. i dont know so many chinese words. i will prolly skip all the words in the end and the whole passage wont make sense.

and life just seems different without you. i know you are close. but yet you feel far. but when you are far. it feels so close. its so strange. and i dont like it. why cant you be close and feel close at the same time . like simultaneously. i dont get it! (echoes of : me neither...) well all i can say is goodbye my dear. its been fun but perhaps its just going to end this way without a start and without an end.
the cruel facts of life--> sometimes you just cant get everything in the world
i just hope i can shrug it off and forget. but i need a how-to-forget-you instruction manual. i really do. bye...

2006-06-26T19:13:00.000+08:00

so today was the first day of school. wa. damn boring. apart from seeing friends again. it was like crap. was falling asleep during lit. simply not interested in china women la. garrrrrrr.

and i just realise its just 2 more months to my prelims. and friday is my chinese oral. oh my god!!! i am like the deadest meat ever found to be dead. tomorrow there is like training. urghhhhhh

and interschools is like coming. what am i going to do with my life! i think i should just settle for a job as a toilet cleaner. at least i have a steady income!

2006-06-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

SO this marks the end of my hols. joan wants to cry!!

urghhhhhh. june holiday was bad. i did nothing but sail. i sailed all day long. all week long. all month long. its not fair. i want my june holiday back!. i want to hang out in town everyday! i want to watch movie everyday! ahhhh i want my mommeeeee...

so this is it. i spent the last day of my glorious holiday rushing my homework. and right now on my list i still have 6 history essays to write. anabelle chow is so going to kill me. not to forget my lit essays which was way over due. i cant be bothered anymore. after the 6 essays. i'm off to bed.
BYE BYE pretty holiday!

2006-06-25T13:49:00.000+08:00

well i have just been on the phone for 10 min on hold. and guess whos on the OTHER side.
PIZZA HUT. oh my goodness. and the delivery call ended up to be a pick up order. I WANT MY FOOD! cant anyone just feel some sympathy. JOAN JUST WANTS HER FOOD.

well whawt joan needs to do now is jump off the building. i swear i havent done my holiday homework. they are all neatly stacked up. and i havent touched a bit. its like school is starting tomorrow and all i can do is go online! what is wrong with me!

anyway i watched scary movie yesterday. oh my its so funny i couldnt stop laughing. i love the ju on part. they were speaking jap but words like toshiba fujitsu and tsunami came out. freaking hilarious.

and yes so grumpy old joan is waiting for her pizza. and and little miss
grumpy is peeling!!

2006-06-23T21:08:00.000+08:00

ahhhhh another day at the regatta.

second day of regatta i came in 69. screwed up the last race cause of STRONG WIND!!!. i am an exception. all the other sailors when they hear STRONG WIND. they will scream for joy. but i will scream for help!

right now after the third day i am at postion 71. tied with val but my best is better than her best. seems kind of weird. but ya its counted like that.

and oh-so-smart-joan. she told everyone not to put on sunblock. cause there was no sun. we went out there and the sun started shining right on us. hahaha all of us are bbqed because of me! haha sorry guys. i am IN PAIN.!!! joan screams... and my retarded hiking strap. keeps coming off. i fell into the water and cap again! like wth. i was like going pretty fast on the reach. then splash. oooh FUCK! hahaha thats my reaction. lost 2 positions!

oh god i hate that bitch who must not be named. she looks like a freaking bull. and a man. and she is so fat. and she wore a yellow bikini out to sea. like wtf. we want our eyes woman! oops i mean man looking woman!

2006-06-21T19:03:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a crapful day.

well went for training. transported out boats to nsrcc for sentosa champ the next day. wind was like crazily strong. wah lau. so tired. my poor legs. keep hiking out. and the water keep splashing on my face. damn pain. grarrrrr.

then when i finally saw nsrcc. jiao lian wanted us to train. so he lay out all the markers. and my hiking strap .one side longer than the other. and when i want to hike out on the shorter side. my legs not long enough. ta ma de. then i tell jiao lian. he scolded me. he say. wa ni de starts hen cha. ta ma de go go go go.
wa lau he was getting on my nerves yesterday. so after training nurul clio and me went to bedok market to eat. i think its so cool. its like so many stalls. so many things to eat. and so cheap. ok little confession. its been like ages since i went to a hawker centre to eat. its damn cool!!! joan loves it. *blow kiss hahaha

ok then around 9 the three of us reach my house. after i packed my stuff. we left for clio's house. then when we reach the lift. yus had to say. eh clio isnt your house haunted. and clio had to add ya i saw something in this lift before. and then we entered. hahah so i scream and everyone screamed along. so we shoved and pushed up the stairs. and made a hell lot of noise.

after settling down we decided to prank call people. hahah to all the "victims" we were sorry. but what a phone call compared to entertainment to 4 extremely bored girls. right... hahah i think the funniest was my call. i had the indian accent on . and i asked to speak to muthusamy. hahah and stupid kevin. never play along. so not fun!!.

next day we went down to nsrcc for sentosa champ. wa damn tiring. we were all dead. i got 70th in position. damn lan! hahaha cool. i am ah lian now. haha
well hope tomorrow will be better. this is just the beginning of a five day torture. and right now as i am sitting on a REALLY STABLE CHAIR. and can feel it rocking. like i am on a boat. and i have this hideous tan. glove tan. and watch tan. ggarrrr. i will be ostracised by the society. anyway while i was hiking out. my hiking strap broke. the rope came off. so i fell into the water. i was so shocked . and scared. well tata . joans going to lala land now.

2006-06-20T10:17:00.000+08:00

what am i asking from you?

why cant i just tell you straight in your face. yes i am pissed. like hello!! joan waves in the air* of course i am pissed. but then again. who am i to say NO you must come with me.

i just wished we never planned it at all. so i wouldnt be disappointed at least. maybe it is time to out grow you. maybe its time for me to wake up from this dream. i dont know. TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO.

miss cant-express-my-emotions

2006-06-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

"Singing Bridges (We All Fall)"

You're so unpredictable and I'm so typical

I tried to sell you a heart before you saw the world

I will sing a melody until the fluid starts choking me

And when my eyes are paralyzed I'll stare up at you my star

That I could never reach

I'll wait for you if you want me to

I promise you I wont change a thing

I wont be any more or any less

Your secrets safe I'll take it to my...

You're so unpredictable and I'm so typical

I keep tearing away at the skin

To see what's underneath

I will sing a melody until the fluid starts choking me

And when my eyes are paralyzed I'll stare up at you my star.

That I could never reach

I'll wait for you if you want me to

I promise you I wont change a thing

I wont be anymore or any less

Your secrets safe I'll take it to my...grave.

OhhhhhI'll wait for you if you want me to

I promise you I wont change a thing

I wont be any more or any less

Your secrets safe I'll take it to my...grave.

i am absolutely in love with this song. but its kind of dark. but its so nice! maybe i am turning goth. eewl. so scary.

anyway my sis got a pair of birkens. stupid girl. told her not to buy black. but she got it anyway. fine fine. anyway i still havent completed my homework. and its already mon. i am so dead! bye!

2006-06-18T22:42:00.000+08:00

maybe i do feel random sadness in my life.
maybe i AM normal
sometimes i just cant convey my emotions well. sometimes i just say stuff that i dont mean to. thats what makes me fucked up. thats what makes me joan.
i cant help it. can i? i am starting to doubt whatever i have done. all those stupid silly things. can i just live my life away like that. wasting all my time on things that are not tangible. that are beyond my grasp.

will i change? will i become one of those shit people in the world where they only care about their life?. i dont want to be them. whatever happen to the side of me that has greater aspirations. are my convictions real? are they? why do i feel indignant about something that is not even related to me. or something that is just a lie.
will i still watch cartoon when i am 40? will i?

i need answers to my future. i just cant lived unplanned. unsounded. see i couldnt even be bothered to make a private blog. because my life isnt private. is it? i always thought that my life is hung out like a piece of clothing in the public for all to see.

what am i sad about? about some silly willy things that are not even occuring. oh god. i am so fucked up there is no fuckest up beyond me. i have been living in a cocoon of lies i had built myself. its time to set it right honey.

2006-06-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

joan starts this post with a burp.

i am so freaking full. i am BLOATED. well just had dinner. yes at nine. and yes at the point where my metabolic rate is the lowest. yes yes i know all that. well and my dad poured me a cup of coke with bacardi. and yes i am feeling woozy. but i can still type normally. and note : woozy is not drunk. often mistaken by humans.

well you would never imagine what i am doing now. i am giggling non stop at something that is not funny. well it happens.

anyway tue will be a nightmare. i have to transport boats to NSC. wonder if i will ever get there. its so FAR. well got to go BYE!

2006-06-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

squeeze me with bumble bee... lalalalalalala. ok i cant catch the words already.

my recent new found hobby: DDR
my recent new found DDR partner: CLIO
hahahah we rock man. we mastered the bumble bee. and almost reaching butterfly standard. hahah. i have been dancing to techno. YES like wth. but its real fun to follow the arrows. haha i am so addicted to it. itsl ike 40cent per game at the club. haha its damn fun!!
well dont blame me if i turn into an ah lian. cOsZx ItZX AllZX InFLuEnceZX bAhxZX. hahahahah

i'm tired . and when i am tired i get high. today training was quite fun. a least i could move the boat which ever way i like. oooh i love boat 12. but that Jared guy booked it already. grarrrr. yus's darling eh. hahahah

well today joan did a good deed. hahah heeeee. hahahahah i really did a good deed. joan grins. only me and the good deed knows what i did. hahaha
ok i totally dread whats coming up next week. oh my god. i must finish all my homework this weekend. if not i wont be able to finish them before school starts. and wed to sun i have sentosa regatta. AND the boat charter costs $102. maybe a little less. but we are not talking about 10 or 20 bucks. its like probably 90 plus?. i dont know. urghhhh. and i really hope its going to be light wind. and i really hope i dont suck that bad. just follow the RI people. i'll be alright. RIGHT?? please say RIGHT.

well BYE!
and all those talk about private blog. i have one too. heee its this one. cause no one actually knows my secret new add. CHEEERS to JOAN!

2006-06-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

i totally dread training now. my whole face has been thrown down the toilet bowl. shitted on peed on. and urghhhh.

yus and clio said that this new guy was cute. and they said it so loudly i think he heard them. and he thinks i said it too. and when he sailed. he kept looking at me. and smiling like thinking of what we just said. some sort of a mocking smile. i knew it. i know its a mocking smile. urghhh. so embarrassing. he heard it. urghhhh

and the thing is he doesnt sail far away from me. we are about the same speed. urghhh. lord pray that he doesnt come on thur. and pray that that stupid starboard guy doesnt come on thur. i pray i pray i pray with all my heart.
let him come down with a disease. he is freaking annoying.

i dread sailing. i hate training. anyway tomorrow i still have to go down to nsc. to pay for sentosa regatta. sigh. ok got to sleep now. BYE

2006-06-10T11:05:00.000+08:00

joan starts this post with a SIGH... *sigh*
yesterday was a really REALLY bad day. sailing was really really gross. oh my god jiao lian made us go out when there was no frikkin wind. i wasnt even moving at all. and all the juniors went out with us too. i was nearly bored to tears. and the RI people didnt have to. i bet they were laughing at us till their guts drop out on the power boat.

and though i was having fun and getting amuse by teasing clio. well i think she was having fun teasing me too. but ha we are just amusing. that didnt make my day either.

i miss you man. i really do. and i dont know why it is so. but i do. please will you leave my brain alone. stop clinging on to my hypothalamus. it hurts ok. sigh.
i truly believe the loudest and happiest kid is the saddest person on earth.

please help me forget. its better to forget than cling on to something that is non existent.

and to clio. I TOLD YOU SO!. ha! in your face sista!

2006-06-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

how foolish of me. to have even thought about it. to have even fantasize about it. how foolish of me to have even told you about it. i was half hoping the answer would be no. then i wouldnt even have a little hope in me burning in me. tearing me apart. because right now i am suffocating. i am strangled by a noose. i cant cut it. cause i still do. and i still think about it.
i think about you. i talk about you. but what about you? maybe i am just a girl to you. maybe i was thinking too much. we are world's apart. how could it be. and you had to make it worse by reciprocating. you know how much it hurts. i thought i didnt mind. i thought it would fade. cause it will never be. but it didnt. i missed you even more each day. i looked at every corner hoping you would pop out and say " hey joan!" i looked at every hole hoping you will climb out and say " hey joan!"

and this silly girl isnt me. at least it isnt what i want to be. but its taking over me. every part of me. i hate it. i detest it. cause i think i like you more than you like me. and its annoying. i want to stop. i will it stop. but can i? i am being pushed down further into the abyss. i dont want to do this anymore. and i cant tell anyone.

FUCK IT!

2006-06-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

tweedle dee and tweedle dum

oh my goodness. today was so tiring. its tiring by just not doing ANYTHING. you know.

well morning i woke up started panicking cause tomorrow is my first piano concert exam. and oh FUCK! i am not prepared
then i went over to photocopy my scores for the examiner. and as usual took at long time at the bath room fantasizing about my erm of course my fantasy. hahaha then went off for training. it was pouring like mouse and chickens (you know for a change people always say cat and dogs. i like mouse and chickens i think its only fair to them!)
ok so after that met up with yus at the mrt. SHE MADE ME WAIT SO LONG. growl!
went down to the club only to find that we were having a lecture on practically NO SUBJECT AT ALL
that bitch who must not be named is so annoying. she started telling us how to plan before a regatta. and what time to wake up. hello unlike you we dont have to write that down on paper. its all in our head. and by the way bitch! we are not bimbos. we dont follow the flow. we follow our brains. and even if we are bimbos we are still better than you . at least we got looks. you got nothing but FATS!. GROSS.
anyway she started talking about carbo loading. my god she carbo load too efficiently now all the carbs are tranformed into fats. never to disappear again. FREAK!

ok i'm down being angry. ok so after that we went swimming. oh i just love dunking people. its THE best sport on earth. LOVE IT!
after that yus followed me to collect my shoes for tomorrow. and on the train home we were visually raped. THIS FUNNY LOOKING MAN/WOMAN and this woman kept staring at us indiscretely. so RUDE and they laugh at us. so mean ok. that freaks. and i got scared. cause they did it throughout the whole ride.
anyway joan is tired. and she needs her rest. tomorrow will be the day. oh i just love the dress i will be wearing. love it love it love it!
well tata.
p.s i'm a bimbo i go with the flow. hah

2006-06-04T22:48:00.000+08:00

HEYYYYYY!!!
oh my today was like THE best day in my life . well maybe not the best. i think my wedding followed by my oh no thats not the point.
well i finally got the lacoste bag. though its the summer collection and now is going on to dont know what i still got it. ITS GREEN! and well i got the $70 voucher from my uncle so why not. i still had to pay like 60 bucks. its not everyday that joan buys a 130 dollars bag ok. give her a break! hahaa

so yes. well the main purpose for this shopping trip was to get me something to wear for my concert exam. my teacher made it sound like i must dress formally and dress would be ideal. so oh fine i will wear a dress. walked around and couldnt find any!! so my mom decided to bring me to love on earth. its under celia loe. and her clothes are damn nice. i got a PRETTY PRETTY GAZILLION TIMES PRETTY dress. i love it. its turqoise and its flowy. its simple yet not dull. its SPECIAL. but it cost me $220. yea. so i am going to wear this on wed. followed by my concert in nov. followed by my cousin's wedding. yea. i love the dress.
oh no i need to find a pair of shoes to go with it. god bless me!

2006-05-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

oh my toe jam!! training yesterday was REALLY REALLY BAD. i could have died out there. first part was alright. did the tacking without rudder. BUT second part as the wind was picking up. my legs were so sore of hiking out, all the lactic acid built up could have been enough to fill a 10 litre bottle. so the last race i gave up. i was simply just not hiking out. grrrrr. so frustrated with myself.

and the wound on my ankle was like stuck on nurul's high cut booties. it was excruciating when i took off the shoes. i almost felt like my legs were in hell and i was on earth.

anyway i love this dinosaur skin. its so CUTE!
i gave my zen to my cousin. cause she wanted to buy a mp3. oh wells. hope she likes the songs inside. its like 5 gb. while my nano is like 1. HA! i really should have bought more gb. at least like 2 or something.
anyway i love this song!

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe thatI could be so blin
dIt's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mindCause
I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

i think i liked the view when there was me and YOU. but YOU ... its hard to tell.
wellings... i'm off bye!

2006-05-16T20:17:00.000+08:00

well well . today was the first training since like forever. and its so fun. oh my at first the wind was really nice. nice and calm . but not too calm . so it was nice. oh wait i should talk about training first.

i should talk about how "great" my results were. THEY SUCK! yeah i know i just contradicted myself. well i got b3 for my chi prelims. i think i reached my potential for chinese. REALLY i want to open a bottle of wine no hard liquor to celebrate. considering that i have been failing. and i screwed up my oral big time. cause the teacher was telling me what to say. uhuh. haha well clap clap clap clap clap for joan!!
THEN my chem results SUCK! oh my god. i got a freaking c5 . llike 57.5 /100. so angry. so many careless mistake. and so many things i didnt learn. urghhhh.
so right now two papers and i already got like 8 for my aggregate. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP for joan AGAIN! shes a real genius.

ok now back to training. training was F-U-N. i learn how to tack without the tiller. which was real cool. at first i followed nurul. and haha she was doing the wrong way. till that RI boy came and teach me. at first everything was muffled. i couldnt understand what he was saying. and coach kept on asking me to let go of my tiller. i was like what the fuck how to do that. (ok i am vulgar at sea. seriously) then i let go of it and i sheet up my main sheet. and voila! joan did it. hahahah well thanks that boy. i wont forget you if ever i need to use that to save my precious life. which i doubt it. yeah but oh well.

i manage to stay out the whole training session instead of being sent back like a weiner. ok many not a weiner. but yeah. real accomplishment considering how much i suck last time. couldnt even upright the boat. sigh. but still i have no hope in me. i mean come on how am i suppose to be as good as the RI people by the end of 10 sessions. its as good as asking me to climb mount ophia without a rope. ok why mount ophia . i have NOOOOooo idea.
well joan the wonderful needs her wonderful rest. tanks of love
joan

miss you loads!!!

2006-05-12T21:09:00.000+08:00

hey all... today was crazy man
brought my popo out for mother's day lunch. wait a min when is mother's day anyway? hmmm let me think
a thousand years later...
oh well i still dont know. should be near by if not we wouldnt bring popo out to lunch.

ok so anyway she was being completely weird. i dont know why maybe i was too brainwashed by my mom about her ways when she was younger. and how badly she treated my mom. and how bias she is toward her own sons and toward me (she hates me). and how idiotic she was to be driven by greed and got my father into trouble. and how she was the cause of my life being terrible. so yes all these "trivial" things make me hate her. yes i mean hate.so i tried to strike a conversation with her. you know joan she cant stop talking for a min. well so when the car passed by my school i went
" hey thats my new school!"
popo went hysterically " REALLY... REALLY... THATS YOUR NEW
SCHOOL? OH MOVE ALREADY AH! REALLY
REALLY!!!! OH YOU CAN STUDY HERE
ALREADY WHEN DID YOU GUYS MOVE?"
oh my goodness i was shock by her sudden behavior. she went like crazy. OVER!! she just started shouting at me. like huh? what did i do man.

so joan went " erm.... erm... this year ya thats my new school. erm... ya
erm.. ya hehe"
WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO REPLY. its was so weird. i swear i wont ever EVER want to start a conversation with her. it might just scare me to hell man.

good tar tar sauce. lunch went pretty fast. food was good. yum fried banana and prawn. YUM YUM.

after that i saw my swimming coach when i was young. he still looks the same. after so MANY years. hmmm is it swimming that makes people no age. I MUST TRY IT.

after that we drop popo off and went to thomson plaza.cause i wanted to rent dvds. so we ended up overspending money . we were spending like there was a sale. my it was creepy.
first stop: my mom and i went to celia loe. she bought like a top a dress and a skirt for like $357 . and i tried on a few dresses for my prom. i know its early but i couldnt resist. they were pretty!!
second stop: dad went to the DIY store and spent 30 there
third stop: dad went to a shoe shop to get his shoes $60
fourth stop: dad bought goggles and i bought adidas shorts $60
fifth stop: bra shop i bought this really pretty blue and green bra. and on the inside it has 3-d heart shapes. oh my goodness. so pretty but they are for ventilation. yup joan grins! she loves her bra $50
sixth stop: dvd rental $13
seventh stop: watsons we just started grabbing everything haha i bought a miss sixty deo. i didnt know they did scents. so cool ! $ 60
eighth stop : NTUC well i bought ben and jerry's and my yogurt and my apples and some other stuff ( they didnt let me lay my hands on the winnie the pooh tissue paper!! ) $40
ninth stop: dog food $70
luckily i didnt step into the bookstore if not it could be worse

just hang on a min. i'll just grab my calculator and see how much we spent. oh my coconuts and tar tar sauce! we spent $730
its incredible! haha quite funny actually like spend money at thomson plaza. ALONE! ahahahhaha

yup thats all about my day today!

2006-05-10T10:45:00.000+08:00

yesterday i slept at 2 am and i woke up at 5 to study. NOW i cant feel myself anymore. i am high till the highest. there is no more higher.

i cant even fall asleep. and i have ONE MORE PAPER TO GO. joan screams... WHYYYY when everyone is enjoying themselves. and i am studying how my mentrual cycle works or how the pollen grains pollinates a PLANT. SAVE ME FROM AGONY.

anyway i have been slacking from 10 (when i came home) to now and i am addicted to a SONG. unfaithful by rihanna. oh my love that song . though i haven been unfaithful. erm. ok anyway so yes. arhhhh pretty pretty song. you know people say beautiful song. i say pretty. why cannot ah. huh! fight ah!

oh yes on my way home i saw 2 not 1 but 2 FUCK written on the wall. one is at tp. one is on the newly painted walls of my void deck. oh my whats up with people and the obsession with the word fuck. first pronounciation is very weird. f-uck. erm so weird. and saliva tend to splatter out while pronouncing the f. and second dont you find it degrading to say it when all the other kids cant pronounce it properly. they go fuc fuc fuc. not fucK. so gross. oh my this para is so vulgar. [PARDON MY LANGUAGE]
being as civilised as ever. hahahah
ok fine its the stress alright!

2006-05-05T20:29:00.000+08:00

what i'm feeling today: sad
what i'm thinking about today: airport, migration and DEPARTURE
what i feel like doing: flushing myself down the toilet bowl

well michelle left. and though i am not close to her, she has always been in my bimbo association. so going to miss her. and i wonder how was it like when my other friends left for other countries for good. people that i didnt send off. was it the same? was it worse?

well when michelle was leaving, i started thinking about my other friends who left. like that girl in primary school. magdelene oei oh wait is it magdelene?. i dont know. see i cant even remember her name. will people fade away in our lives when they leave? well i tried writing a letter to her but i forgot to write the return address. so we lost touch.
and its true, its so much more difficult to remain close when you are further away from your friend. it will never happen. they have got another life there while you have yours. its different. ITS EVEN A DIFFERENT TIME FOR CORN'S SAKE. it difficult.
i hate airports. migration, or leaving the country for a period of time must not be legalised at all. NEVER. only holidays are!.
damn it today will forever be etched in my mind. i will never forget every detail of it. even those people that resurface in my thoughts

2006-05-04T18:43:00.000+08:00

oh my... i am so tired but i still have tuition in like 15 mins. damn... and chem sucks. i havent finish studying yet. i am BBQed meat .

i feel like giving up. if giving up is the price to pay. I'LL DO IT. I'LL PAY THE PRICE DAMN IT.

just strap me up to a rocket and send me to the moon. i want to be an alienated alien! i want my mommmyyyy

2006-05-04T10:25:00.000+08:00

HEY ALL... i've got a new blog! yippee