today i was awakened.
i was rudely woken up from denial land.
where i stubbornly refuse to believe that things has changed.
AND NO ITS NOT ALRIGHT
seriously its not. its fucking not alright
its different and it sucks.
for the first time in my life, i'm embarrassed to be with her. i'm embarrassed by her actions, her comments, her rowdy behaviour.
i know i shouldnt be. but it has changed.

what am i going to do? this fucking question keep coming up. i tried. i tried to make it seem like nothing has changed. i try to make it seem like i can be her friend too.i try and make her feel that we could have fun together too. but i'm not having fun . not at all. i dont want things to be this way. god.

why must you change. WHY. why must you behave that way. WHY. why must you do all that. WHY. why must you make my life difficult. WHY. why must you drift from me. WHY.

so tired of trying so hard. so tired of being in the middle. so tired of being helpless. so tired of reaching out to you. so tired of tolerating. so tired of being in control.

why cant i just call your name and make everything right. why cant everything just be alright. i need it to be alright. i really do

and how could i forget you. i cant. but i guess you already did. how can i throw away the memories we had. i guess they were insignificant to you. but why did you say you did. when all of a sudden you dont. i dont get it.

never going to understand anything in the world at all. i'm just waiting for the day you two come back to me.