and so dinner went like that...

joan says "lets order this set!"
sister says " ok..."
mother says "no not nice. this set better..."

everyone gets pissed off. all for different reasons
my dad was pissed off at us taking 15 mins to decide
my sister was pissed at her life
i was pissed at my mom for being so opinionated
and my mom was pissed at me being pissed at her.

all i ever wanted was for the four of us to sit down and have a nice meal. is that too difficult. my sister finally came for dinner with us. but the atmosphere was fucking bad. and i was there trying to get things high and going. trying my best. and.. it just didnt happen.
what is fucking wrong with me. FUCK IT!

and while waiting for the bill.
mother says " why is your face always so black. why cant you be happy when you eat with us "
sister starts crying...
when we left the restaurant.
mother starts crying...

then both of them complain to me. i am like the middle sponge. absorbing both their sorrows. wtf. i am only joan. trying to get things right in the world full of wrong. why cant anyone understand.

i have my own problems too damn it. but no one knows. only they have. only they show it. only they CAN show it.
i am not even given to chance to show my moodiness. because i must cheer everyone up. wtf.
i'm tired...

i'm never gonna go for dinner ever again.