maybe i do feel random sadness in my life.
maybe i AM normal
sometimes i just cant convey my emotions well. sometimes i just say stuff that i dont mean to. thats what makes me fucked up. thats what makes me joan.
i cant help it. can i? i am starting to doubt whatever i have done. all those stupid silly things. can i just live my life away like that. wasting all my time on things that are not tangible. that are beyond my grasp.

will i change? will i become one of those shit people in the world where they only care about their life?. i dont want to be them. whatever happen to the side of me that has greater aspirations. are my convictions real? are they? why do i feel indignant about something that is not even related to me. or something that is just a lie.
will i still watch cartoon when i am 40? will i?

i need answers to my future. i just cant lived unplanned. unsounded. see i couldnt even be bothered to make a private blog. because my life isnt private. is it? i always thought that my life is hung out like a piece of clothing in the public for all to see.

what am i sad about? about some silly willy things that are not even occuring. oh god. i am so fucked up there is no fuckest up beyond me. i have been living in a cocoon of lies i had built myself. its time to set it right honey.