HEY all.

havent been doing anything constructive these past few days or rather weeks. MY LIFE IS GOING DOWN THE DRAIN!! i think i might even be suffereing retardation of the brain. i've been quite slow these few days

8th jan MON
--> went out with clio to look for a job. it wasnt a rewarding trip cause we ended up shopping and trying on clothes instead of approaching the counters. we tried raffles bnjs, and in the end we found ourselves playing ddr in the arcade. we have become TRUE BLUE AH LIANS. we played percussion master the drum drum game. JOANS GOOD AT THAT GAME!!! ahahha clio had 7 percent!! really realy funny.

so we decided to take our job seeking escapade to centre point haagen dazs. on the way there we saw this advert looking for server at alley bar. we were like "oh my god cool cool lets try" so i called them up and they ask us down for interview. when we went in, we got a shock of our lives man. the place was like so sleazy and people there werent friendly at all. we had to fill up the application form and then had interview. joan shudders* really scary. but it was an experience man!

9th jan TUE
--> went out with becky today. we went cityhall AGAIN. have been going there many times these past few weeks. but you got to admit it its more interesting than town. COME TO THINK OF IT i havent gone town for so long. and i'm shopping deprieved! we ate at new york new york. food there is really good! and then we went to the arcade again. did the same thing. I"M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT JOAN HAS OFFICIALLY PLAYED HER FIRST TIME CRISIS GAME! and she did not suck at it. YAY ME!

10th jan WED
--> went out with zhao xiu today. met him at vivo. i'm telling you he is really weird but entertaining. he sure talks alot. and all i had to do was listen . and the jokes he crack NOT FUNNY AT ALL. i suffered quite a bit that part but the rest was ok hahah. we watch school of scoundrels. MAN did he laugh the loudest the in the cinema. and next to me there was this couple making out. the guy was actually grabbing the girl's boobs. joan shudders* and honestly i'm not a traditional person. i'm alright with open display of affection in the public. but it has a limit! PEOPLE!!! rarr

11th jan THUR
--> celebrated ana's birthday today. we went billy bombers only the school dropouters attended the celebration. so sad! i missed everyone so much. after that we went to the arcade. ana and becky took the shortcut. RARRR till now i still dont know what the shortcut is. ANNOYING!! anyway after that char char came to meet us but clio and i had to leave already. we went num for the sake of char char. hahahah shes really funny she makes me laugh ALOT. I MISS YOU CHAR CHAR! i went home and ah ma and uncle was in my house. after that i went for piano lesson and then met becky and char char at j8
they were late! VERY LATE! i had nothing to do so i went to the toilet and sat down. hahaha ITS REALLY COOLING ALRIGHT. and it smells good. we took a cab to mediacorp to watch dance floor. and oh my goodness felt like squashing the taxi driver. i told him mediacorp. and he went like i'm not sure how to go but youd direct me. and i'm like fine i'll direct you. i gave him the directions then he went oh dian shi tai. then char char said ya. then he went why didnt you tell me earlier. its dian shi tai then tell me what. haiyer! OH MY GOODNESS whatever happened to good service how am i suppose to know you dont understand eng. FREAKING PIECE OF CHEENA SHIT. RARRRRR. slap all the annoying taxi drivers in the world. hate taking cabs. rarrr
ok so anyway dance floor was alright . jade seah is so pretty and she is so freaking thin!!. anyway my sister's group didnt have a lot of good comments. well i thought she danced really well. poor char char she was so tired from school so she was fighting to keep her eyes open. I LOVE YOU BECKY AND CHAR CHAR for accompanying me!!!


12th jan FRI
--> 1 more month to my birthday everyone!!! hint hint! becky slept over last night so today we went to meet clio at j8. we had lunch at cartel a really FILLING lunch. and went to town. didnt know what to do so we went kbox. AHHHh joan has been labelled the BLONDE CHEENA GER. hhaha just cause i could rap a jay chou song. but its not my fault that i can rap his song. my sister used to listen to him and rap it to me! so i picked it up. RARRRR hahhaha now apart from becoming true blue ah lians that plays ddrs in the arcade becky clio and me have become truer blue ah lians that not only plays ddr we also sing at kbox. ahaahahah man... NOT cool not cool at all.

13th jan SAT
--> i have to say my juniors are the most creative bunch of juniors i ever met. the tee that say I"M A LOVED SENIOR i love you guys for that. and the songs for sec 1 orientation. ta ma de alalalallalalalalalalallala LA. oh my seriously i love you guys. you guys make me miss sailing a whole lot more than i already do. sec 1 orientation was a blast. clio and i tried to get people to sign up but they started running away. oh my. it was really funny,

after orientation clio and i decided to look for job. we wanted to befriend a bnj manager so he will offer us the job but ahh it didnt happen. we ended up watching the water fountain . which is the most beautiful coolest water fountain i've ever seen. all water fountains to me were really disturbing but this one next to bnj in raffles shopping centre is like the BEST. seriously give me a call i'll bring you there and we can eat ice cream and watch the water fountain ANY TIME! hahaahhah
well then we got a job at haagen dazs but it required us to give them photocopy of our bank account and ic and photo and stuff. so clio and i went home to get out documents and went back there to fill up the application form.

at night clio picked me up at j8 to go to dxo. YES i went dxo again. the boring place. and this time it was damn weird first of all we had to queue up. the queue is like freaking long and it was raining. rarrr super annoying. then out of the whole group that went with us i only know clio. rarr it was seriously damn weird. and people started getting drunk. THANK GOD clio and i refused the drink. i met a cute guy JOAN GRINS** oh my rusty shirt guy where are you?? hahahaha he was dancing behind me and then clio said he was cute. so i turned around and indeed he was kind of cute. hahahah. after a while i got annoyed cause something was tickling my butt. so i turned around and lifted his shirt. it was a belt. ahahah so embarrassing. and he asked me what i thought it waas. hahhaha so i gave the lamest reply every. i said oh nothing i felt something tickling my butt. ahahha. after that he invited me to dance in the circle. i rejected him la. its like kind of weird to dance in the circle with all his friends around me. gahhhh. i'll never see him again.! hahaha clio and i reached my place at like 4 plus and we were damn tired.








15th jan MON
--> went out with becky and ana. watched hollywoodland. i think that show is like quite cool. but as usual becky and ana found it boring. seriously they dont know how to appreciate good films!! gahh.walked around a while and i went home for dinner.

16th jan tue
--> was supposed to go out today but i was really tired so i overslept. in the evening edwin came over for dinner. then my sister edwin and i played fatal frame. seriously man this game rocks. its damn cool. youre suppose to kill the ghost with a camera. the whole idea of the game is quite stupid but shit its damn cool! the effect and all is damn cool. and it scares the shit out of people
i think i'm sick! my throat is really dry and my head hurts

17th jan wed
--> I"M SICK i'm having fever. i hate being sick! so annoying. cant do anything. cant lie down and sleep cause i've been doing that the whole day. cant read a book cause i get restless. there is nothing to watch on tv. cant go out cause I"M SIcK. gahhhhh

HEY ALL

these past few days, i felt like a school dropout. when all my friends are going for first three months jc thing. i decided to opt out. and now i'm questioning if chosing poly is the right path. oh just kill me
stab me with a pen.

went out with becky on tue. we watched stranger than fiction. SERIOUSLY GOOD PLOT. joan loved it.
then we walked around. we only have each other now. the rest all have first three months. just us.

went out with clio becky and james after piano lesson on thur we watched golden flower. oh my corn. stupid show man. it was so boring i was like flipping myself around the chair. and I HAD NO SPACE. ah well. after that we went to play cards. did you know that joan can actually play bluff. AHAHAHAH i'm good at that game. cause i dont bluff. the main point of playing bluff and winning it is to NOT BLUFF. see the irony.
so after that becky and me went to clio's house for a sleepover. we decided to play drinking games
and apparently i lost so many rounds. and i drank quite a bit of vodka. and i got high. hahaha and i couldnt stop swaying. and becky told me she liked man. hahaha not small boys not normal guys. but MAN. hahahahahahahah

next morning i woke up with a nudge on my face. actually it was more than a nudge, it was more like a jab. and it was clio's elbow. after that we went to cathay cineplex. we watched death note. its quite cool. i like to say shinigami. HAHAHAHAH

***i love you my school dropout gang. joan blows many kisses

dear daddy

i'm sorry for all times i failed you. i know deep down inside what kind of person i am. i'm just an average joe. i dont excel in things, be it academic, be it sports, be it ANYTHING. yet i try because of you. i try because i want to make you proud.

remembering the day when i got a medal at the regatta. i saw your face. it was glowing. and you kept a firm hand around my shoulder. and that gave me strength. that made me truly believe that you are proud of me.

yet after yesterday i realise it all changed. after yesterday, i started to think about all my failures. i remember your face when i sat behind your car after pesta sukan. after all my hands bled. your face was one of sheer disappointment. i held on tight to my mainsheet knowing that if i let go, your dreams will be gone too. i never thought that you would ever give me pressure but you did, indirectly.
i remember you asking me " how come you are not a national sailor?" and my heart, it just shattered into shards of broken glass piercing me deeply. that sentence alone killed my soul. and now i blame myself. i blame myself for quitting halfway. i blame myself for being a quitter. i blame myself for not sticking through things and most of all i blame myself for not bringing you proud.

yesterday you shouted at me. you actually think i'm anorexic and i didnt say anything back because i was scared. i was scared that i am. i dont know what is wrong with me all the disorders. i try to be as healthy as i can be. but all these things keep plaging me. if you can just stop and think before you spew hurtful words at me. i would thank you dearly.

never did i once thought in my 16 years of life that you had so much expectations and they all are pressing down on me. i guess because it was a silent expectation. but i assure you i had tried my best. i fought with my fears, i trained my ass off for the inter schools. yet i stunk like a pile of shit. and i'm truly sorry.

daddy, i'm your daughter and i'm proud of you. but you are my dad and you are not proud of me. i desperately need you to reassure me. to tell me that i can grow and discover my talents at my own space. or tell me that its alright if i dont discover any talents that can be awarded with a medal. tell me because i'm your little girl, you are already proud of me.

love your daughter