today i was awakened.
i was rudely woken up from denial land.
where i stubbornly refuse to believe that things has changed.
AND NO ITS NOT ALRIGHT
seriously its not. its fucking not alright
its different and it sucks.
for the first time in my life, i'm embarrassed to be with her. i'm embarrassed by her actions, her comments, her rowdy behaviour.
i know i shouldnt be. but it has changed.

what am i going to do? this fucking question keep coming up. i tried. i tried to make it seem like nothing has changed. i try to make it seem like i can be her friend too.i try and make her feel that we could have fun together too. but i'm not having fun . not at all. i dont want things to be this way. god.

why must you change. WHY. why must you behave that way. WHY. why must you do all that. WHY. why must you make my life difficult. WHY. why must you drift from me. WHY.

so tired of trying so hard. so tired of being in the middle. so tired of being helpless. so tired of reaching out to you. so tired of tolerating. so tired of being in control.

why cant i just call your name and make everything right. why cant everything just be alright. i need it to be alright. i really do

and how could i forget you. i cant. but i guess you already did. how can i throw away the memories we had. i guess they were insignificant to you. but why did you say you did. when all of a sudden you dont. i dont get it.

never going to understand anything in the world at all. i'm just waiting for the day you two come back to me.

damn the head!

stupid head of mine. i bet its going to erupt someday.
out of 4 school days. i only went once to school because of this stupid head of mine. see i even made up a song for it

this stupid head of mine.
i'm gonna smash it up.
this stupid head of mine
i'm gonna smash it up
this stupid head of mine
i'm gonna smash it up smash it up smash it up smash it up!! ahoy!

yeah dont you just love the AHOY part.

well i have 3 history essays to do and they are FRIKKIN difficult. like seriously. urghhh how am i ever going to pass anything. ok i'm going back to my essays. say good luck to me... while i perish in the world of words from the past...

dont you just hate it when the rest of the world seemed more motivated than you.

well i'm hating it now. i so totally did not study at all today. i went out shopping instead. and spending money. sigh.

i'm loving soccer to bits. its the funnest game on earth. and i finally learn how to kick with the inner side of my foot. now i'm learning the proper way finally.
through soccer. i got closer to some of my classmates. love you my little cupcakes. never felt the same way about my class like i feel now. its really great!

you looke like a man!

i have failed terribly in the attempt to transform myself into a nerd. i HAVENT BEEN STUDYING!

days sweep by. eroding my future away. the only thing i look forward to is soccer. sigh. what should i do with my life. i'm not studying at all. and prelims are in 20 days time. i am dead-burnt-cooked-bbq meat.

a pile of useless flesh. ready to be roasted to perfection. succulent and tender on the inside. crispy on the outside. complete with traditional home made bbq sauce. a tangy sensation overwhelming your taste buds. *hmmm* yummy!

hahaha its quite fun describing yourself as a dish. try it yourself! remember you dont have to be artistic to do an ART ATTACK!.

damn... i'm so random.

ever wondered what your life will be if you were incapable of thinking this very thought- "if only..."

well i have. i guess life would be a lot simpler. i will certainly be a tad bit more contented with my life. i wont be regretting, i wont be lamenting and certainly not blaming anyone.

ever wondered what your life will be if you were incapable of wondering what you life will be?
well technically speaking if you actually wondered what you life will be if you were incapable of wondering what your life will be, you are still wondering what your life will be. thus this question has absolutely no answer to it.

maybe this is it. maybe all these things we see in life. MNCs, government, education, families, all these things people work hard for are just facades in life. whats the point of working so hard. when life itself has no answer to it. whats the point of striving for excellence. when excellence does not even exist. because life is a huge question with no answer to it. whats the point of solving mathematical sums when life is a difficult sum marked with double triple quadruple stars on my textbook with no answer to it.

rethorical questions. asked over and over again. for millions of years. from primates to primates. from adult to child. from mothers to daughters. from sons to sons. from cow to cow. from chicken to chicken. arent you sick of it? well i am