In this issue of JOAN DIGEST we shall examine the main purpose of a government and the real democratic believes driving our society today.

do you agree "that a government is best which governs least" and "that a government is best which governs not at all"
so if a government is truly fuctioning at its best when it does little or nothing then why should there be even a body that is named the government.
by shaking this very foundation of our modern world, let us question the prescence of legislators, presidents, ministers ,lawyers and politicians.
all these people that rarely score distinctions in moral issues. these people that do not rule with their conscience. should we judge them by their actions? or should we judge them by their intentions. THEN again how can ones intentions be made known to be expedient or inexpedient since it is an intention and, is rarely made known to others but, can only be seen through actions.

a mass of man serving the state, serving the government. what is made of them? a clump of dirt or a pile of straws? they serve as wooden men carved from the very existence of a government. serving the nation not with their heart or conscience but with their body as tools of mass destruction. without these tools, the government would be powerless. thus this implies that the government is rarely a government of conscience but a government of self gain. a man would be truly useful as a man if he start thinking with conscience and not performing as a tool. this is when it is made known to mankind that majority is not right. not at all.

democracy values the importance of the views of the majority. yet how can we ensure that these "majority" are thinking with their conscience and not expediently. would there be injustice occuring even if the solid majority is backing u on it? yes there would. because more often than not the majority is ruled by self gain and interest of the individual that makes up the majority. take a good look at the world around you. how often do you see injustices, stifling of a voice which is radical yet with conscience in nature. many a times an individual that has the "right" thinking is gagged up by the majority which is supossedly always right. just look at the irony of it. a sad tragedy of the 21st century. the wrongs being carried out while the rights being stifled. the rights being oppressed and the wrongs being paraded with credit.

why? why become the government when all you do is affect the world's population in a negative way. why beome the government when one is not ruled by conscience. why become the government when you are nothing but the devil ruling in denial thinking that you are a saint.

why do we support them when we know its wrong. why does the majority not stop and think. why is it that the majority is always viewed as right? why?

as questions hang unanswered, as light always dim into nothingness, as life always diminish into silence, i leave you with a question that is unanswered. WHY DO WE PARTAKE IN IT WHEN WE KNOW ITS WRONG?

FRUCK!!!!!!

tomorrow is bio pract and what have i done the whole day? do stupid binomial

i'm so frucking going to fail my bio practical. cant remember what a loculus or a pericarp or a placenta is suppose to be. all i can remember is my stupid frucking problems
urghhhhhh

why is it so frucking hard.

i know i know i'm not suppose to swear but frucking has an extra "r" so it doesnt matter right?

if you ask me if i'm alright
i'm telling you. no. no i'm not. i'm not frucking alright
everything is so frucked up
there isnt a time when there is more frucking shit in my life.
on one hand there is someone frucking ignoring me
on the other hand there are my frucking stupid exams
on my feet there are my family problems
on my head is a frucking head that hurts like hell
i have so much frucking things to do. my piano concert is coming up. my exams are nearing and i havent studied hard enough
plus i have no frucking idea what i am going to do with my life.

actually apart from all those my life is that FRUCKING bad huh
my bull

ever wonder why i'm so short. because there are so many frucking problems on my shoulders. stupid family problems. stupid friendship problems.

i wish i could frucking disappear!

FRUCK!!!!!!

tomorrow is bio pract and what have i done the whole day? do stupid binomial

i'm so frucking going to fail my bio practical. cant remember what a loculus or a pericarp or a placenta is suppose to be. all i can remember is my stupid frucking problems
urghhhhhh

why is it so frucking hard.

i know i know i'm not suppose to swear but frucking has an extra "r" so it doesnt matter right?

if you ask me if i'm alright
i'm telling you. no. no i'm not. i'm not frucking alright
everything is so frucked up
there isnt a time when there is more frucking shit in my life.
on one hand there is someone frucking ignoring me
on the other hand there are my frucking stupid exams
on my feet there are my family problems
on my head is a frucking head that hurts like hell
i have so much frucking things to do. my piano concert is coming up. my exams are nearing and i havent studied hard enough
plus i have no frucking idea what i am going to do with my life.

actually apart from all those my life is that FRUCKING bad huh
my bull

ever wonder why i'm so short. because there are so many frucking problems on my shoulders. stupid family problems. stupid friendship problems.

i wish i could frucking disappear!

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

change change change change change
lets see if you can change the spelling of change stupid! since you like to change so much.
urghhhhhh

TINA TURNED AROUND!!!!

i think i finally found closure. sitting on my bed with a tonne of things to do. i finally got it.

i realised why i was so dependent i found out why i relied on it so much. i placed all my hopes on you. perhaps i was scared. perhaps i was afraid. myabe it wasnt even being scared about anythhing but you.

i figured if we talked more. things wouldnt end. but i failed to see that relatioinshis end even when people are talking. i guess i was just too cooped up with wanting you. well maybe its not you that i like. maybe its not you, just maybe.
everything is so weird lately that i wished things would go back. rewind and pause at the best parts. those nights that we spent talking about what and what nots. that is the time i truly felt that we were friends. no it seems like you dont even care. and i tried to tell myself if you dont care, I DONT CARE EITHER. but my heart or mind doesnt feel this way. its just too complicated.

EVERYTHING. EVERY shit in my life. always continue to stink up my life. tell me now where can i buy rose tinted glasses. i need them desperately!! i want to see the world rosey pinky and happy. not some shit up stinky place. urghhh

quote from laguna BIOTCH: " theres just too much drama... too much drama."

right here right now i'm going back to reality. snap back to reality opps that goes gravity oops there goes sanity.
i need to i nee to i need to

i think i finally found closure. sitting on my bed with a tonne of things to do. i finally got it.

i realised why i was so dependent i found out why i relied on it so much. i placed all my hopes on you. perhaps i was scared. perhaps i was afraid. myabe it wasnt even being scared about anythhing but you.

i figured if we talked more. things wouldnt end. but i failed to see that relatioinshis end even when people are talking. i guess i was just too cooped up with wanting you. well maybe its not you that i like. maybe its not you, just maybe.
everything is so weird lately that i wished things would go back. rewind and pause at the best parts. those nights that we spent talking about what and what nots. that is the time i truly felt that we were friends. no it seems like you dont even care. and i tried to tell myself if you dont care, I DONT CARE EITHER. but my heart or mind doesnt feel this way. its just too complicated.

EVERYTHING. EVERY shit in my life. always continue to stink up my life. tell me now where can i buy rose tinted glasses. i need them desperately!! i want to see the world rosey pinky and happy. not some shit up stinky place. urghhh

quote from laguna BIOTCH: " theres just too much drama... too much drama."

right here right now i'm going back to reality. snap back to reality opps that goes gravity oops there goes sanity.
i need to i nee to i need to

how do i feel? ; DEPRESSED!
how do i feel? : stressed
how do i feel? : really depressed.

what am i going to do with my life. i;m having an early life crisis. i have no idea if such a thing exists. BUT I DONT CARE! i'm having it!


BLAHHH everything is so screwed up. even though everything is wonderful. i mean some parts are good. but the rest, its bad. really really bad.
its like i dont even know what is wrong.

its difficult to feel better when i dont even know what is wrong. i dont even know how to describe it. but i feel it.

i guess i'm mad. really mad.

i'm in the organising freak mode now.
(1) i'm actually clearing the pile of books next to my piano
(2) I'm filing my worksheets up
(3) I"M USING A HOLE PUNCHER!!!
(4) i bought a pretty file for my worksheets that cost $7.15
(5) i feel like i have obsessive compulsive behaviour, refusing to let any stray worksheet remain homeless

arghhhhhh. i'm an organising freak.

BUT rest assured my fellow good people. this odd occurence wont last long. hahaha just like so many projects i intend to start. like my scrap booking project. like my put-everything-in-pretty-boxes project. and most of all like my life project.



ahh wells

the next part of my post is a tribute to my beloved hammy.

R.I.P my pretty hammy

hammy the hamster passed away at approx. 2.00 PM yesterday 4th of Oct.
she have been a good hamster. always making noise at night with her wheel. although she lost her hind leg in a freak accident, she was able to live on with it. so long my beloved hammy. i'm very sure you went up to heaven to be a hamster angel. byebye hammy....

joan blows a mega-ultra-super-duper big big big big big big big KISS to you. *

*joan stares

i'm so bored cooped up at home for soooooo many days.
never thought life could be worse until you are sick.

oooh how i miss those days when i'm shopping everyday... (and NO! i'm not a shopaholic)
oooh how i miss those days where my arms ache from carrying too many carriers ... (and NO! i'm not a shopaholic)
oooh how i miss those days missing those days where i'm out in my habitat , shoping centres ... (and NO! i'm not a shopaholic)



oooooooh how boring my life is. i yoda wish to speak.

favourite is my yodaaaaaaa
yodaaa dear are you a leftie. i love lefties!!!

*joan blows a kiss

Aii! Everything bad bad! i chose it this way but it turn the other. aiiii all bad!

and joan would say " if i were a chinese mother bringing up her kids in america i would definately sound like this!"

and its probably true. judging on my circumstances and situation. everything i pined for. everything i hoped for. ALL THE OTHER WAY! but still came out this way. this very very bad way. that made our unhappy more unhappy.
although we have to minus the kids part.

well i once hoped for a bright bright shiny future. i was told my nose is not too big just the right size. doesnt make me cynical. but still i comprain. and with my comprains, my luck all flow out of me and into the air. and BAHBAHBAH! the north wind blew it south.
that is how i learn that with no luck you cannot do anything.
i wished for a normal life with normal happiness and some joy and some luck but no club. aiiii! see how it turned out! bad bad.. ALL bad! i wish to tell all this to my daughter but she will not listen. she has no ears because she is not even formed yet. ha! how very bad to joke about this. but true. its true. you cannot teach lucky. lucky comes with your fate. if your fate says NOOOO. no luck. means no luck! the end. thats it. NO MORE!. but if your fate says luck will blow your way. oh believe it will. not because you are naive. nor because your psykiatrics tell you to believe. its because your nose is not too big thats why.
my mother use to say something but i forgot. thats because i trust in my fate and cannot wait for her to finish her sentence to run away. so i never knew what she said. and now i fill myself with sorrow and regret. wishing i listened to my mother's chinese nonsense. aiiii how very bad. bad bad bad.

ok i'm done trying to speak like someone who just walked out of amy tan's book.

well this randomness is the effect of my fever. i've been so very ill these two days. and its not fair. i want to go to school and make merry with my friends. aiiiii so very bad!. how can queen mother of the northen skies make fun of me like that. aiii so bad. so very very bad!. ok anyway i'm so bored that even my .... my DOG is bored. well if that made any sense at all. I"M so bored that even joan is bored. oh come on already. get lost you lousy bug. get out of my body and look for someone else to torture!


i'd rather be a sparrow than a snail
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

i rather be a hammer than a nail
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

away, i rather sail away
like a swan, thats here and gone
a man gets tied up to the ground
he gives the world
the saddest sound
the saddest sound

i rather be a forest than a street
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

i rather feel the earth beneath my feet
yes i would
if i only could
i surely would

away i rather sail away
like a swan thats here and gone
a man gets tied up to the ground
he gives the world
the saddest sound
the saddest sound

and joan would be giving the world the saddest sound. because the is the snail, the nail, the street, and the earth beneath everyone's feet.

joan grins*

and judging by the size of that grin you must think she just won lottery or something. but i say NOOOOOO. i didnt

hahaha i'm just grinning for not reason.

ok besides that i've got important news to share. i was reading readers digest and i came upon the article of clive wearing. oh my he touched my hout and left a BIG BIG BIG hand print on it. this poor guy got the herpes simplex virus which attacked his brain that made his lose his memory. but god helped him remember the love of his life. his wife! oh my its really sweet. imagine your husband forgets everything else in his life except you. wow... joan swoons....

well thats all. just had to share this really really touching story