CONFUCIOUS SAY " do no fight and air your

dirty laundry in public. to the victor go the

soils."



which means i shouldnt fight and do my

laundry at the same time. if i win, my clothes

will get dirty.


for the sake of clean clothes, i deleted my

previous post. how dumb of me. blogs arent for

personal feelings. its not a diary. its a blog. so

yes. shant air my dirty laundry . not here. not

anywhere.


i am strong. i can go through this without
crying.


and i will smile.

went with clio and zhuang yi to watch lady in the water.

i think it was dumb, queer, strange, peculiar, and quite boring too. yet the message behind the film is quite cool.
its like something you must decipher. though its like mythical and all. and highly impossible that it would happen in real life. all the nurfff and the funny grass dog. still it kind of have a message to convey. and its real good stuff.

well it sure tells us that everyone has a purpose. there is a purpose in life. its whether we chose to find it or not. and its real true.
and this film is like a wakening up call to the world. like what the fuck is going on with the world that we are living in. everything so corrupted. so tainted. nothing is pure. nothing is innocent. thats why i'm telling you that this film is really thought provoking. its not just about grass dog. gigangtic eagles, healer, interpreter, gills and all those rubbish they added in. its about the world.

i'm a deep deeeeeeep person. hee.
i'm telling you 5 good reason why this film is worth watching
(1) i got to watch it for free. (any movie that is free is worth watching)
(2) its really really thought provoking. its makes your mind churn and work. all the rusty chains of my brain is actually oiled and working. hell!
(3) get to see the world's freakiest creature. the grass dog!
(4) great sound effects. gets you jumping up in your seats (roughly around 5 millimetre high)
(5) get to see this really cool man who is toning his right side of the body. real freak show material!

yeah there you go.

went with clio and zhuang yi to watch lady in the water.

i think it was dumb, queer, strange, peculiar, and quite boring too. yet the message behind the film is quite cool.
its like something you must decipher. though its like mythical and all. and highly impossible that it would happen in real life. all the nurfff and the funny grass dog. still it kind of have a message to convey. and its real good stuff.

well it sure tells us that everyone has a purpose. there is a purpose in life. its whether we chose to find it or not. and its real true.
and this film is like a wakening up call to the world. like what the fuck is going on with the world that we are living in. everything so corrupted. so tainted. nothing is pure. nothing is innocent. thats why i'm telling you that this film is really thought provoking. its not just about grass dog. gigangtic eagles, healer, interpreter, gills and all those rubbish they added in. its about the world.

i'm a deep deeeeeeep person. hee.
i'm telling you 5 good reason why this film is worth watching
(1) i got to watch it for free. (any movie that is free is worth watching)
(2) its really really thought provoking. its makes your mind churn and work. all the rusty chains of my brain is actually oiled and working. hell!
(3) get to see the world's freakiest creature. the grass dog!
(4) great sound effects. gets you jumping up in your seats (roughly around 5 millimetre high)
(5) get to see this really cool man who is toning his right side of the body. real freak show material!

yeah there you go.

and so dinner went like that...

joan says "lets order this set!"
sister says " ok..."
mother says "no not nice. this set better..."

everyone gets pissed off. all for different reasons
my dad was pissed off at us taking 15 mins to decide
my sister was pissed at her life
i was pissed at my mom for being so opinionated
and my mom was pissed at me being pissed at her.

all i ever wanted was for the four of us to sit down and have a nice meal. is that too difficult. my sister finally came for dinner with us. but the atmosphere was fucking bad. and i was there trying to get things high and going. trying my best. and.. it just didnt happen.
what is fucking wrong with me. FUCK IT!

and while waiting for the bill.
mother says " why is your face always so black. why cant you be happy when you eat with us "
sister starts crying...
when we left the restaurant.
mother starts crying...

then both of them complain to me. i am like the middle sponge. absorbing both their sorrows. wtf. i am only joan. trying to get things right in the world full of wrong. why cant anyone understand.

i have my own problems too damn it. but no one knows. only they have. only they show it. only they CAN show it.
i am not even given to chance to show my moodiness. because i must cheer everyone up. wtf.
i'm tired...

i'm never gonna go for dinner ever again.

you know what. i really got to stop thinking of what people think of me. i really got to stop wondering over and over again what they think of me.
because... because at the end of the day. all i should focus on is myself.

i cant like live on. by just trying to chase them and always wanting to do the "right" thing. i need to think of me! YES! its JOAN-TIME.

i dont care anymore.

at 2.00 pm on the 23rd of jul. JOAN RAISES HER HAND IN THE AIR.
and proclaims herself as FREE!
a free person. a free soul. a free mind. (but i am not cheap!)
not free in that kind of way.

i've decided. i'm not going to whine and complain about situations that are totally out of my control. i have accepted that there are some things that i cant do. just like the situation i am in. i cant change it. i'll just wait and see.

yes thats my strategy and i'm going to stick to it.

"The Diary Of Jane"

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
NoSomething's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become
Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane

love this song! its by breaking benjamin. some alternative rock band. ahhhhh i want to find my place int he diary of jane too. i want a place too!!

BAHHHHHHH.... i'm in a retarded mood.

well i'm still thinking of eugene's colourful shit. its so amusing. so fascinating. i want to try that ice cream too!!

ahhh today was quite productive. went macs to study. and i actually did study. so its good.

nothing much to say. nothing much to feel today. so yup guess i'll just leave it as that. i'm searching for my colourful shit-colour-changing icecream!

LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. yet LIFE as we NEVER KNEW IT.

its impossible for me to say " I KNEW IT!" because i never ever can know a thing before it happens. all i can say is that life could be better knowing it. and definately these few days could really be better. to be exact these few months COULD be better.

my heart screams out anguish and yearnings. but who would hear it. my heart longs for you. but you dont hear it. i want so much to tell you i'm not your friend buddy! but i cant do it. i want so much to tell you i like you a hell lot more than you like me.but i cant do it either. there is so much going on for you. as there is for me. and it seems like we are worlds apart. not talking about the distance. but relationship. seems like i dont even know its you. i know you changed. because change is inevitable in a situation like this. but i want you to promise me. you'll stay the same and never go. you will never ever go.

since young. my worst fear is of losing my memory of the ones i love. and i am scared. and i am afraid that i will forget my beloved grandfather. his face is a blur in my vision of him. his character tinted till i forget sometimes that he is there. but yet i know his love holds strong. his love for me and the family sustains my memory. but how long will it be before i forget. before i forget him. and now i am afraid i will forget you too. what if i forget how you were back then. what if i forget how you look? i am not ill, just paranoid.

i promise i will stay the same

GAME OVER
HIT TO RESTART

hey... havent been in the mood to do anything at all. i wish my brain would stop thinking. and just stop thinking at once. maybe then i will be much happier.

i miss you... i do i do i do. urghhh. this is so frustrating. just kill me!!!

joan gives a loud BURP!! and to see tow. if you are reading this. you are REALLY REALLY A STALKER. stop stalking me!! hahahah

next week is my last and final training. for my whole of secondary school life. i will miss everything... EVERY SINGLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.
when i went for training today. a pang of nostalgia came over me. i will miss everything we have done there. the pool... the benches. the jetty. urghh. i dont want to leave. let me stay. jiao lian! i will stay for one more year! hahah

BAHHHHHHHHHHHH

its so bloody hot. i am fried patty!. seriously i havent started studying at all. been slacking the whole day. except for making myself a pretty calender. i did nothing! anyway i got a new phone. heeeeeeeeee joan grins!
its some weird phone. its really small. and square. haa dont know la. its just really small and cute. my dad just got it and brought it home. so i made it mine.! hee

YIPPPEEEEE!!!!

never had so much fun on a school day EVER.
school was the same. except the lessons were more interesting...
after school went to town to buy tickets for 9 people!! hahah. the tics came in a really really lonnng chain. so cool. hahahah i like long ticket chains

after that the 8 people met up with me. and we watched pirates. oooh i love that movie. its so damn cool. i like the octopus guy. i like his mouth. so CUTE!
after that went nydc. manage to surprise yus with a cake. how cool right. once again. the genius in me. hehehhhh
went high with my HIGH buddy. clio. we were singing and laughing and all the shit we were doing. so i went home at around 9 plus .

this stupid ah beng. prank me ... urghhh came up to me and tell me " er, my friends are playing a lame game. can i have your number?" oh my goodness. what kind of pickup line is that. obviously its some stupid dare. why... i look very nice to prank ah. urghhh.

had a REALLY REALLY bad day yesterday out at sea.

there was a storm coming. and we were suppose to transport our boats back to changi clubhouse. once we got out there. we were all capsizing. one by one. and i couldnt get my boat to move the way i want it to be. and coach wouldnt listen to what i was saying. i was screaming on top of my lungs for help. but he wouldnt listen to me.

then i saw a police boat coming my way.
"POLICE!! SAVE ME!!" but they continued moving and wouldnt stop.

i felt so alone. so helpless. and vulnerable. as if any moment i would die. finally as the wind died down. all our boats were able to move. thus we reach shore at around 6.30. i swear i was the happiest kid in town. able to arrive at changi.

today i fell ill. i have a sore throat. a terrible terrible headache and a terribly bruised body. i'm going to school later to do my chem practical test.
i thank god for helping us and leading us safely back to shore.

joan blows kisses at everyone!!

joan starts this post with a smile. a really big wide smile!

i think at least everything is starting to show signs of normality. at least i know i am returning to the normal me. (what i mean of normal isnt what you think normal is) haha remember... i am roughly around 30% normal. haha

well mon will be the start of my transformation into a geek. i AM GOING TO BE A NERD. i am going to study everyday. i want to get good grades man. seriously no joking now. yup. with my new found determination. i will succeed. or not. well no time to think of that now. got a test tomorrow. got to study!

well i really miss you my little cupcake. so glad i started talking to you again. hope everything is going well for you. joan blows a kiss.

heee. and for those who are nosey nosey parkers. you will never guess who my cupcake is. ha!! it might actually be a real cupcake.

hint hint: joan likes eating cupcakes.

well this really huge thought hit me out of the blue. and here it is
*sailing has officially ended for me
*sailing is no longer my cca
*last fri was the last time i actually could call myself a sailor
*i will miss all my juniors (hint hint: im expecting a swell sec4 farewell party )
*i will miss nurul! my one and only sec 3 junior
*i will miss ij sailing team : val, joan, nurul, clio, yus and sarah
all the *joys
*laughter
*swimming sessions
*bitching sessions
*MORE bitching sessions
*capsizing
*cursing
*teasing
*a three hour long lecture by the ugliest cow on earth
*EUGENIA! (oops you are not in ij sailing team heeee)
*our lovely miss teo, our distributor of dried mushrooms
*jiao lian (all the ta ma des and pushups and funny sounds you
make
*the scandals
*and most of all our ij spirit


i love you guys. even though we were not the most skilled in terms of sailing. but we redeemed ourselves by having the ij spirit. we fought till we were burnt. we fought till we cursed. we fought till we miss the hiking strap and fell into the water. but most importantly we fought while we laugh. i love it all. and i will miss it all.

to all terrific sailors of ij. i had a terrifically terrific time. THANKS FOR MAKING SAILING SO MUCH FUN.
not to forget out fake brother school. RI . trainings wouldnt be any more fun without you lame people. thanks.

i was all so certain that i would never ever EVER want to sail again after interschools. but i realise maybe i am wrong. the fun i had during interschools cannot be compared to all the sufferings i ever had while sailing. i just might consider joining sailing again. but of course it wouldnt be the same without all my special team mates.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! JOAN BLOWS A REALLY BIG BIG KISS

joan starts this post with a sigh...

sigh. interschools is like finally over. but ij didnt win. we got 5th. yet i am still proud of us all. we fought a tough battle and emerge winners . our own winners. well i can really say that i learnt a great deal through all the competitions and the trainings i had. but yet i still feel a tinge of heartache and sadness. well it would be a good memory to keep. i love IJ SAILING TEAM!!

and to somebody. please you should at least respect me. i dont like you. but you shouldnt say things infront of me like that. like what the fuck is your problem. you bloody asshole. i have feelings too ok. what the hell. you bitch. urghhhh

You Are 35% Normal

You sure do march to your own beat...But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at allYou think on a totally different wavelengthAnd it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Mutsuko Shimizu

What's" your Japanese Name?

You Should Be With an Air Sign!

Your best match is a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius Why? You crave excitement and playful banterOnly an Air Sign can match your wit - and keep you on your toesAs for fun, an Air Sign guy will show you plenty? with tons of surprisesJust be sure to introduce him to some new playful experiences as well!

What Sign Should You Date?

ahhhh damn bord. so i did these tests. hahahah damn funny.
today was a really bad day for me. my mom is giving me such a difficult time i wish i had more siblings. to hell%

PUBLIC DECLARATION: i dont like jerome.

urghhhh. you people stop it alright. i dont like him. and whatever makes you think that i do, any signs or vibes i gave out, i didnt mean it. and i wasnt aware that it is that way alright. but i dont like him. and to clio. you better watch out cause i'm gonna fight back!

i have lost my innocence. because i have been taught to regconise evil so i could protect myself. what kind of logic is this. aiyer i dont understand joy luck club! i mean regconising evil does not mean that you will BE evil. it just means that you know what evil is like. its a form of self protection and preservation. you can still be innocent right. so lets say you know how to protect yourself from being raped. that means you know how to rape? ok bad analogy... well this does not support the fact that good triumph over evil right. and it also means that you are evil when you lose your innocence. grrarrrr I DONT GET IT!